Hello everyone,
I HOPE this week has treated you well. I’d like to speak about grieving and its benefits this week, as we recently had a situation where at least 20 families lost a loved one. Despite what anyone says, any life lost is a tragedy, and we should grieve for our Guyanese people. The feeling of loss is very painful, and some of us feel like it will never end. But, as is the old saying, ‘time heals all wounds’.
However, giving it time is not all; we must accept the new situation; the loss, and accept the full range of emotions that will come along with it. We need to adjust to a new life, and saying goodbye.
Accept that you are hurting and let yourself hurt; grief has the power to heal.
Many believe that grief is a sign of weakness; that one must always be composed in front of company, and cry when everyone else is gone. We should never run from sadness. There is a measure of dishonestly in that; to yourself and those around you.
Loss can be sudden, or it can be predictable; if someone is suffering from a long-term illness for example. They say that sudden losses are more difficult, as there is no way to prepare. However, with predictable losses, even though you know what’s going to happen, you are never prepared for how it feels.
There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but there is something known as healthy grieving.

WHAT IS GRIEF?
Grief is a process with multiple stages that allows us to feel the situation; really feel it, in order to move past our sadness over time. Without it, sadness is repressed, and it is very difficult to get over the loss. It allows us to let go of the negative and sad energy we are feeling, and put it into something else.
This is a normal and completely natural response to any loss. We do not only grieve death, but also the end of relationships; a past home or country; a job and even a pet.
There is also a difference between grief and depression.
Just because you are grieving does not mean you are depressed. Grief can be a roller coaster of emotions, where you have good and bad days. Depression is constant low days for a prolonged period of time, and includes inability to function at home, work or school, loss of interest in activities, prolonged issues with sleep and eating, and thoughts of suicide.

There are five stages of grief. These are:
1. DENIAL: “This can’t be/isn’t happening to me.”
2. ANGER: “Why is this happening to me?”
3. BARGAINING: “If this doesn’t happen, in return, I will…”
4. DEPRESSION: “I’m too low or lack motivation to do anything.”
5. ACCEPTANCE: “I’m at peace with what is happening/has happened.”

However, it is important to point out that you do not need to go through all these stages in order to heal properly.
Denial helps us to deal with the loss; it is a protection mechanism that allows us to pace ourselves while grieving. Anger is a necessary stage, as it’s an essential emotion for pain and healing. There are also healthy ways to express anger. Aristotle once said, “Anyone can become angry; that is easy. But be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way. That is not easy.”
Bargaining encompasses a lot of ‘what ifs’, ‘if onlys’ and guilt. At the end of this stage is the realisation that what happened is not your fault, and the beginning stages of acceptance of the situation. The depression stage will feel never-ending; we will feel intense sadness, and withdraw from others. It isn’t necessarily clinical depression; it’s our body’s natural response to a loss, and also a necessary one for healing.
The final stage: Acceptance, does not mean that you are no longer sad; it just means you accept that time will help to heal the pain, and it’s a further understanding that you are not to blame for what happened.
Now, everyone grieves differently. But there are some common signs and symptoms of grieving. A few of these are:

1. Shock and disbelief
2. Physical symptoms such as nausea, headaches, pains and insomnia.
3. Difficultly concentrating
4. Often crying and sadness
5. Changes in sleep patterns
6. Changes in appetite
7. Guilt and anger
8. Withdrawal from others and loneliness
9. Numbness and loss of life’s meaning
10. Lack of energy and motivation

HOW CAN WE GRIEVE HEALTHILY?
Firstly, take all the time you need. Do not let anyone tell you when you should be ‘over it’. Accept that you may have some low motivation and reduction in the want and need to do activities that you once loved. Knowing this, it’s okay to not take on any new responsibilities. Accept support when offered; there’s no need to put on a brave face. Talk regularly about the loss with those closest to you. It is also important that you keep track of your eating and sleeping patterns, as they can easily be disturbed during this time. Get more exercise. Finally, join a support group.

HOW TO SUPPORT OTHERS WHO ARE GRIEVING?
This is very important, and there are many things we can do for others.
We can ask about how they are doing, about their feelings, and be present; be good listeners. You can ask them to share good memories about the loss they experienced. Allow them to feel sad. If they do not want to speak, just sit with them. Accompany them to support groups. Of course, everyone is busy and have their own lives, so, if you can’t be with them daily, make simple phone calls.

HOW LONG DOES GRIEF LAST?
What you have to make sure to do during time of grief is to take care of yourself. You need to look after your physical and emotional needs, as your body and mind are connected.
Some people feel like it’s not fair, or they do not have time to grieve. This is common with people who have dependents; who are now single parents with grieving children to look after; a funeral to organise, and a house to run etc.
There is no answer to this question. Everyone grieves in their own way, and in their own time. Sometimes, our culture will decide this for us. For example, some rituals consist of a week of wakes to grieve, while others have none at all.
If you feel that your grief has surpassed your idea of normal, and it may be leading to depression, please go to your nearest health centre.

Thank you for reading, and please send in any topics to: caitlinvieira@gmail.com. Also, remember the group meetings you can attend.

WOODLANDS HOSPITAL: Outpatient Department

Drug and Alcohol group meetings: Mondays: 4:30 – 5:30pm

Good mental health group meetings: Wednesdays: 4:30- 5:50pm

Say Yes to Life, and No to Drugs! Always!