Hello Everyone,
I hope this past week has treated you well. As I mentioned, this week’s topic will be Al-Anon – support groups for the family and friends of alcoholics, and what it’s like for them. As I mentioned before, addiction is a family problem and every one suffers, not just the abuser.
This week, I highlight the experiences of some persons who have lived/ been married to alcoholics and wanted to share their story.
I hope that everyone who relate to these stories will attend an Al-Anon meeting and find true peace in their lives.
Next week I will write about something that tremendously affects many Guyanese and our mental health. I will speak about insomnia, which is the inability to sleep well at night.
Please do keep writing in at caitlinvieira@gmail.com and let me know what you would like to talk about!
Say Yes to Life and No to Drugs! Always!
[box type=”shadow” align=”alignleft” width=”400px” ]“I found true peace” When I came to AL-Anon, I was angry and frustrated about so many things. Guilt motivated most of my behaviour. My heart was torn over my children’s and grandchildren’s journey. We were all suffering. My world was coloured by a childhood in an alcoholic home. I had no idea what hardships were ahead of me because I didn’t know anything about the family disease of alcoholism. I married at a very young age, primarily to escape from home. My mother was an alcoholic and my father, brother and I suffered from being lost in the endless cycle of trying to help her. I left home at 16, thinking I could take life by the horns and overcome all my obstacles. I met a young man from a similar background and was married and pregnant with our first child at 17. Three years later, a second daughter was born. My marriage was very chaotic. Fighting, screaming, tantrums, and financial irresponsibility were only a few of the painful distresses we experienced, thinking it was a normal way of life. My children were caught in the web of pain and denial. I became very depressed and found my way to an Al-Anon meeting. I don’t remember much, just getting there. I entered that room hopeless, full2 of guilt, and deep regret. I loved my husband who was struggling for survival with depression and emotional distress. I was just beginning to see that my life was repeating the same patterns that I had lived as a child. That meeting was the spark of hope that helped me lift my head from a very dark place and made me want to live again. The love and acceptance I experienced through the stories of others began to wake me up to a new world of learning. I kept coming back and found support, friends, and an incredible sponsor. I devoured the treasures of encouragement through conference approved literature. I read from several daily readers such as ‘Courage to change’ (B-16), ‘Hope for today (B-27), and ‘One day at a time in Al-Anon’ (B-6). Each day’s readings helped me to go on one more day. As a mother, grandmother and now a great- grandmother, I still see many of my loved ones struggling in despair with the handed down traits of alcoholism and drug abuse. The endless worry and guilt of my own contributions to my children’s pain had haunted me until I was willing to work the steps and relinquish my guilt to my Higher Power. It seems like I do Steps One, Two, and Three all the time to release the urge to fix and control. Gradually, I yielded to the serenity and clarity, as I realised how God has guided me to this grace filled programme and a new way to live. I have finally found a true family in Al-Anon. My husband and I are both involved in meetings and service, but are ever reminded that each day we must give our hope and expectations for our children and grandchildren to God. As I’m learning more through parents and grandparents support meetings, I’m finding true peace. ((Reprinted with permission of the Forum, Al-Anon Family Group Hdqts. Inc.,Virgina Beach, VA) [/box]
[box type=”shadow” align=”alignright” width=”400px” ]I chose life over survival (This story is from a Guyanese woman, who was married to an alcoholic and had so much to overcome) “I am the family member of a recovering alcoholic. I lost ‘Me’ to this disease for a very long period of my life but learning that Alcoholism was a family disease, saved my life. This disease impacted my life in every aspect – physically, mentally, emotionally, socially and spiritually. Understanding its impact and choosing a path of recovery has helped me to choose life over survival. As I reflect on my life, living with active alcoholism, I can now acknowledge some of the feelings I endured during my chaotic life at the time, just to name and identify a few: Anger- I was so angry at the alcoholic, I felt taken for granted and disrespected Resentful – of my broken dreams Hurt – that I could not trust my loved one Self-pity – ‘Poor me;’ my focus was on all that was missing in my life, feelings of being the victim, or at times the martyr. Guilt – constantly feeling I had done something wrong to deserve this Shame – feeling responsible for the alcoholic’s actions and being ashamed Lack of self-worth/ low-esteem – I had difficulty in valuing myself as a human being. Depression – I felt terribly sad, hopeless, empty, tired and anxious at times To avoid my feelings I used the only tools I had; I stuffed and medicated my feelings through busyness or compulsive working, hyper-focusing on everything and everyone else but me. Physical care such as eating healthily and exercise were not priorities. Mentally I was drained; emotionally I was numb or angry (either extreme). I withdrew from social activities that were once enjoyable or meaningful. My spiritual values and morals were tested as I became angry, impatient, judgmental and controlling. Today, I am a member of the Al-Anon recovery programme. I have found serenity, I have self-worth and care for my myself physically, mentally, emotionally, socially and spiritually! I have the tools to guide me on how to do this, I am able to focus on the things that I am grateful for versus things I may lack. I have learned that I have choices; I can choose to be angry and dissatisfied with my life or make positive decisions to change it. I can choose to remain in self-pity and live with guilt and shame over the things I have no control over or figure out what or who I have control over (Me). I can work on expanding my understanding of how this disease has affected me (awareness), understand that I am powerless over the choices of another person (acceptance) and then stop, think and make a healthy decision on my way forward (action). Al-Anon has been a gift of recovery. It is a fellowship of family members of alcoholics who share their experience, strength and hope in order to solve their common problem, believing that alcoholism is a family illness and that changed attitudes can aid recovery. Al-Anon has one purpose and that is to help families of alcoholics by practicing the Twelve Steps (adopted from AA), by welcoming and giving comfort to families of alcoholics, and by giving understanding and encouragement to the alcoholic. For more information on Al-Anon in Georgetown, Guyana – please call 233-5844/600-0832”. [/box]