IF the younger version of you met you today, would they be proud of who you had become?
This is a difficult question to answer. For some, painful even. Time has a way of capturing the thin, hidden ends of our very being and tugging at them until we unravel like a loosely wrapped spool of yarn.
Strangely, allowing ourselves to become unravelled is not the difficult part. Being broken, pulled apart, or exposed usually happens quickly. Those events are like an unexpected spatter of rain that catches us off guard and soaks us to the skin. In a moment like that, it is not the rain itself that upsets us. It is the prospect of sitting in our damp clothes for the rest of the day that truly makes us feel gloomy.
The chaotic unravelling that inevitably infects us is not what changes us. It is what follows, that is, the uncomfortable stumbling and fumbling that we must experience after being unravelled, that truly changes us from what we used to be. For some, this change is for the better. For others, it is for the worse.
For those who spent their childhood feeding on daydreams, like butterflies and bees on nectar, the revelation that even growth does not protect us from making mistakes is shocking. Adulthood is not a magic castle one can step into and be transformed into a formidable princess or prince. Instead, it is the ugly process of being broken and rebuilt repeatedly until we either lose our strength or become completely comfortable with what we have become. The latter, of course, is the perfect outcome.
Our childhood tend to end with an unspoken promise. We braid it into the wind or plant it in a hidden corner of the playground where we grew up, so only we will ever know it exists. The promise is about who we want to become in the future: what kind of work we will do, what kind of home we will build or what kind of person we will choose to love. It is the most important promise we will ever make in our entire lives because it is the first step we take in a journey whose direction and pace even fate cannot predetermine. It is the promise that will gleam in the corners of our eyes in moments when the entire world seems dark.
As we make important decisions and push ourselves to overcome obstacles, the promise motivates us to keep moving. More importantly, it motivates us to keep being the kind of person we dreamed of being, no matter how difficult the process becomes.
When we are children, the path ahead usually seems clear. When we complete a grade, another one is always waiting. When we graduate from school, college, or work, another one is always waiting. In adulthood, the map to the road ahead becomes much murkier. Sometimes, the seemingly clear choice isn’t the right one, and the choice that is right for you is what everyone around you believes is wrong. Often, the only guidance we have is that promise we made to ourselves when we were younger.
We are usually taught that it is all right to fail and make mistakes. However, no one tells us that sometimes, it is okay to be lost. It is all right to stand still for a moment in the darkness and digest the thought that there is simply no way to tell what you have to do next. Most people who are thriving today have experienced this very moment and learned to find their way out. In fact, the courage we gain in this moment will carry us through many similar moments in the future.
Every one of us has a promise to keep. The path to keeping this promise can be winding. We might get lost or stop for a few moments, but as long as we remember why we chose to embark on the journey, we will always find the way forward.