IN the realm of this column, we’ve spoken of many forms of abuse and the many faces of victims and perpetrators. However, this week will be my first time addressing sibling abuse. An urge to write on this topic stemmed from listening to someone share their personal experiences online about “sibling abuse” and how it affects them to this day. Their older sibling was very verbally and physically abusive. It was always conditioned within that person that “it’s simply how older siblings behave”. They grew up thinking that it was okay for siblings to hit and verbally assault or abuse you to the point where it physically and mentally affects you. However, as they grew older and learned more about abuse, they realised that they experienced “sibling abuse”, and they are no longer in contact with the sibling who perpetuated the violence against them.
I am sharing this scenario to firstly start by saying that sibling abuse can be masked as “tough love”, as do many other forms of abuse. Unfortunately, it is about time we label abuse for what it is and not make excuses for the actions of others, even if they’re our family members.
In many households, “sibling teasing” is normalised. In fact, it is so normalised that mainstream media often portrays sibling relationships as “rivalries”. Now, I am an only child, and given the tone of this column, I am sure you can pick up on those tones. Nonetheless, siblings disagree as you would with any other family member or relative. However, there comes a time when we must clearly draw the line between what is acceptable and what isn’t.
Sibling abuse does not only come in physical or verbal forms; it also comes in the form of sexual, psychological, or emotional abuse. Unfortunately, the harm that is often done within these relationships is minimised, and victims are made to feel as if their feelings cannot be validated because it is simply “sibling rivalry”. I think one of the main factors to consider is that caregivers and parents can sometimes be underinformed about what sibling abuse is. Sometimes, it might be difficult to imagine another child being a perpetrator of violence, let alone doing it to their own sibling.
I also believe it is important for us to assess sibling power imbalances and how they can affect relationship dynamics. In some instances, the “power” lies with the older child or children because they are older, physically bigger, or have more advanced knowledge in certain areas. In other instances, it might be a case where a child or children have “power” by being portrayed as the “favourite child”. This creates a significant imbalance of power in the relationship, with the “less favourable” child—for reasons only the parents can attest to—being abused by the “favourable child”.
We might think that the effects of sibling abuse stay within the realm of childhood. However, there is evidence that sibling abuse, as with most forms of abuse, can lead to chronic anxiety, depression, difficulty with trust, intimacy issues, low self-esteem, and a distorted sense of adult boundaries. Some victims also experience a form of internalised guilt, where they feel they should have done more to prevent the abuse from happening to them, or they believe that it does not count as abuse in adulthood.
Unfortunately, sibling abuse can also be increased when parents or guardians leave their children unattended or in the care of other siblings. As such, it is imperative that all caregivers are aware of and educated about sibling abuse. I think it can be difficult to come to terms with the reality of sibling abuse, yet it is still something we must raise awareness about. It can be troubling to confront these realities because they threaten our sense of safety and security within the family unit. Just the mere thought of abuse within the family can be earth-shattering.
There are also cultural implications, such as the normalisation of a certain level of hostility and “roughness” among siblings. I think the first step to addressing this issue is to understand that sibling abuse is not an “inconvenience”. It is actual abuse, and it requires us to rethink what we have learned and believe about childhood innocence. Unfortunately, children themselves can hurt other children, and that is a reality we must confront.
As we move forward, I hope we consider taking the testimonies and stories of victims of sibling abuse more seriously. There is already the Family Act in Guyana that generally caters for abuse against any family member, not just spouses within a family unit. As such, this is a first step towards institutional awareness. Sibling abuse is real. Silence is not protection. And naming harm is not betrayal—it is the first act of justice.