WHEN I first saw Thandy Tarique Williams, I thought I was looking at a man—the face, body language, and voice all seemed masculine. Subsequent conversations did not change my opinion, though I wondered by then.

However, it was not until our recent interview that the ‘penny dropped’ and I realised that Thandy was, in fact, female. I was stunned because she appeared masculine naturally and not as a result of any transgender change, and she identifies as male.

At 31 years old, her road to discovering and expressing her sexuality has been a painful, but ultimately satisfying one. Indeed, in the course of our talk, when she said she would ask God why he made her this way, I too wondered the same thing.

“I felt like a weirdo…I had no friends. I used to cry a lot and I used to pray a lot,” she confided.

In a previous profound conversation covering various subjects but mostly concerned with matters of a biblical nature, Thandy quoted chapters and verses from the Bible. She revealed her capacity for incisive thought and a grasp of biblical teachings that many Christians do not have.

But the solace she gained from studying the Bible did not extend to the world around her, and she suffered deep depression, leading to suicidal tendencies and an actual suicide attempt.

With her easy smile, belying the torment she endured, Thandy said, ” There was no one to talk to…I would isolate myself and sometimes still do.”

She recalled how at the age of 17 her mother pulled her aside and asked her if she liked girls, to which she replied “yes”. But this was kept a family secret, though relatives generally accepted it. But on a subsequent visit to the US, where her mother received greater insight into the LGBT community, she returned “more open” to her daughter’s sexuality.

Meanwhile, Thandy’s talk with a friend helped her realise she was not alone when the friend admitted to having similar feelings. Counselling helped too, as she underwent both the social and psychological adjustment necessary for her assumptive masculinity but ruled out any physical alteration as in transgenderism. It is a step she does not want to take, especially given the confusion and additional social pressure faced by transgender individuals.

She also voiced concern about the sometimes vulgar and unseemly behaviour displayed by members of the LGBT community, particularly in this country.  “They give all of us a bad name.” In fact, Thandy has attended conferences, both at home and abroad, dealing with ‘persons presenting as masculine’ and other issues faced by ‘ the community’.

She has first-hand experience of many of these challenges, having opened a stand selling beverages on Water Street ten years ago. Conversations with customers revealed an astonishing ignorance and misperception of LGBT issues.

“People used to torment me,” she said. “I would talk to those who were prepared to listen.” But she had little to say to those who felt they knew it all, commenting, ” You know people feel that you just wake up one morning and decide to be this way.”

So, at those conferences, the topic of educating the wider community and how this could best be done was extensively discussed. Also on the agenda were subjects like health care, job placement, housing, and decriminalisation – the latter three being areas where members of the community are still subject to significant discrimination.

” I met people from all over the world (at a conference and show in Trinidad and a similar forum in St Lucia last year). It was also an opportunity to meet and interact with like-minded people and even make new friends.

June, being Pride Month, when members of the LGBT community worldwide celebrate their sexuality and attempt to increase public awareness, I am happy to give Guyanese a glimpse into Thandy’s story and help to foster both understanding and empathy.

(If you need someone to talk to or if you know anyone who is in need of immediate assistance, please call the Suicide Prevention Hotline on 223-0001, 223-0009, 600-7896, 623-4444 to speak with a professional counsellor)