Introduction

Seeking your future spouse? In this comprehensive guide to dating and marriage, author Geary Reid discusses where and how single people can meet, presenting grounded advice to help you tactfully learn about your partner’s background and what they want in a relationship.

Discover how to discern whether you and your partner share similar values, and learn what to look out for when it comes to your partner’s family. Reid also examines the practical steps leading to marriage, including premarital counselling and wedding planning, and offers helpful tips for planning your married life. With guidance on preparing for children, managing finances, parenting, and leading family devotion, this book sets you on the right path towards a fulfilling life with your partner.

1. Courtship
Once someone has found the person who makes them feel like a king or queen, it is time to build on that relationship. From the initial moment when both individuals set eyes on each other and exchange words of interest, they must spend time getting to know one another.
Some people believe that courtship is an overnight process—that they can meet someone and immediately know everything about them. This naïve approach has led to many failed relationships. There is always a great need to understand the person with whom you want to spend the rest of your life. Even if two people have lived in the same community or attended the same school, they still need to take the time to learn about each other.

1.1 Background Checks
When people meet for the first time, it may feel like love at first sight. This can be a promising starting point, but it is essential to go beyond that first interaction. Some individuals have a way with words but lack the character to sustain a meaningful relationship. They may express deep affection using grand, romantic phrases, yet their actions contradict their words. Nice words alone cannot sustain a marriage.

Therefore, it is vital to conduct background checks on a potential partner. However, those conducting such checks must remain objective. Do not focus solely on identifying faults, as everyone has shortcomings. Some of these flaws may be beyond your partner’s control, and some of the information you hear may not even be true. Unfortunately, some people are skilled at concocting negative stories about others.

While gathering information, assess both the positive and negative aspects of what you learn. Be discreet in your approach. Do not publicly announce that you are investigating your potential partner, as this could harm your relationship.

Each person should develop their own method of gathering information about their intended spouse. Conducting a background check does not require the scrutiny of a police officer or an auditor. The process should be simple yet effective in obtaining enough information to make a reasonable assessment of the individual.

1.2 Meeting Their Parents
If your intended companion’s parents are alive, visiting them is essential—not just once, but multiple times. These interactions must be meaningful.

When interacting with your potential partner’s parents, avoid conflicts. If a sensitive or controversial topic arises, assess the environment and timing before deciding whether to comment. Sometimes, it is best to listen rather than speak. Once you have gained a better understanding of your intended partner’s family, deeper conversations can take place, and you can address certain issues more openly.

As an outsider joining a new family, do not project an air of superiority. Do not belittle family members in conversation or through your actions. Instead, approach the family as an important yet humble individual.

It is also important to remember that most parents will instinctively protect and defend their children. Choose your words carefully, and be mindful of how you interact with your potential partner’s family.

1.3 Discovering Likes and Dislikes
During courtship, understanding your partner’s likes and dislikes is crucial. A person’s outward appearance does not always indicate their preferences. For example, some people prefer their meals to be served hot, while others enjoy them cool. One partner may love attending cultural events and social outings, while the other may prefer a quiet evening at home with a book or a movie. These differences can lead to frustration if they are not acknowledged early in the relationship.

When visiting each other’s parents, you may also learn more about your potential partner’s preferences. Some parents are willing to share this information early on to prevent their future son-in-law or daughter-in-law from facing unexpected challenges later in the relationship.

Academic commitments can also influence personal habits. Some individuals pursuing higher education prefer isolation while studying and do not like distractions. If this is not understood in the early stages of the relationship, it can lead to miscommunication and frustration.

Both partners should be open about their likes and dislikes. If this information is shared early, it helps each person understand what they can and cannot do around their partner without causing conflict.

Couples should strive for relationships that prioritise peace rather than unnecessary conflict. While it is impossible to eliminate all disagreements, whether in a new or long-term relationship, understanding and communication can significantly reduce tension.

For more information about Geary Reid and his books, visit:
📘 Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/author/gearyreid
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