“ONE day, maybe,” she kept saying in her mind, for the heartache, tears, and struggles had left deep scars on her. She knew there were good men out there, men who played great roles in the lives of women, but to love and trust again was difficult for her. Every time a man showed interest in her, her heart said, “No.”
“I guess I’ll have to wait on that ‘yes’,” she said quietly.

That one mistake she had made in her life when so young had caused her to lose almost everything. Yet, by God’s grace, she had survived to bring her baby into the world. Life went on for her, one day at a time, and there were quiet moments when loneliness overwhelmed her, for she was still young. In those moments, she would look at herself in the mirror and try to smile, but it was not real.

Something was missing—the pure joy of love, the glow on her face, the sparkle in her eyes.
“Maybe that kind of love was not meant for me,” she surmised.
The one comfort and joy in her life was her son.
“At least I have something precious to live for.”

Now, the father was back, married to someone else and approaching her in such a casual manner.
“Unbelievable,” she expressed. “How can one be so heartless and shameless at the same time?”
The next day, Sunday, was a special day for her because, after morning services at the mandir, she could relax a little at home. In the afternoon, she did a little gardening and planned to take Aryan for ice cream and a movie in the evening. Then, it was back to work from Monday to Friday.

Throughout the years, she had changed many jobs to find one that offered suitable hours so she could spend time with her baby. She had to earn money for their survival, but she didn’t want to be away from him all day. No assistance came from her family because her father was still not talking to her, and Kevin’s parents wanted nothing to do with the baby, thinking maybe she would ask for child support. But Shivanie had no intention of asking for anything, for Kevin had walked away from her and their unborn child.
That was something that would stay in her mind forever.

“I guess we are alone in this, my son,” she had said to him when he was a baby. “But God will help us find a way.”
His little hand had closed over her finger as though he understood what she said.

She was a manager at a home décor store with good pay, benefits, and a good boss. All the plans she had to study for a degree in pharmacy had to be put aside. No one except her aunt had supported her decision to keep the baby. Everyone else thought she was too young to throw away her future. But she had kept faith, listening to her heart and feeling the warmth of life inside her.

She had come a long way and had no regrets today, telling herself, “At least I will be able to give my son a good education.”
As she walked into the mandir that morning, she could feel the glances and knew the whispers were about her, given that everyone knew her story. Shivanie smiled to herself, not caring for anyone’s pity because she had gone through her struggle on her own.
Midway into the service, Kevin walked in with his wife, bowed with clasped hands to the pandit and altar, and sat down where he could see Shivanie. She sighed deeply and kept her focus on the divine prayers.
A tense feeling permeated the atmosphere in the mandir, and Shivanie looked at no one, feeling she wanted to leave.
At a short break in the services, when the pandit, who knew what Kevin had done to her, welcomed him and his wife, Shivanie got up and left, not looking at anyone.
Her son, thankfully, hadn’t come with her that morning because he was too tired. As she sat in the minibus on her way home, she thought, choking a little with emotion, “How can he do this to me? How can he not care about my feelings? I did no wrong.”

Her restful, peaceful Sunday was ruined, and her son, noticing her tense look, asked, “Is everything okay, Mum?”
She smiled and ruffled his hair.
“Just a little tired.”
“Would you like me to take you for ice cream?”

She laughed, surprised at his answer. “I’m supposed to do that for you.”
“At least I made you laugh.”
She hugged him and sighed, burying her face in his hair. She had given up everything to bring him into this world, and he became her everything. But he was growing up without a male figure in the home, and though he never asked about his father, she knew one day he would.
That night, Shivanie’s aunt called, as she often did, to see how she and Aryan were doing, and she said, “I’m guessing you know Kevin has returned.”

“Yes, I know. What are you going to do?”

“Nothing. He’s married, and I’m a single mother. We have different lives.”

“Okay, you stay good and continue to be strong.”

The next morning at work, she felt a little disturbed at Kevin’s casual attitude towards her, as though he had done no wrong. But as the day progressed, she managed to shake off the feeling, for it was a busy day. The next two days were also busy, and she ignored all the texts and messages that came to her phone, except those related to business.

On the third day, she was standing in a section of the store in discussion with another manager when Kevin and another man walked in. Shivanie did not notice him until he spoke.

“Good afternoon. I need a manager to assist me with something, please.”

He was cordial, referring, of course, to her, but she excused herself without hesitation, leaving the other manager to assist him.

As she sat in her office, she wondered again about his casual attitude and realised that maybe he was trying a friendly approach because of Aryan. He had to know she had the baby and possibly wanted contact with him.

“He does not deserve to know anything about his son,” she said to herself firmly. “Let’s see how this goes.”

That afternoon, when she came out of work, she saw him just outside by the employee car park.

“This is starting to feel like stalking,” she said to herself and ignored him as she walked past a female supervisor’s car who usually gave her a lift home.

As she got in the car, he called out to her, “Shivanie, I really need to speak to you.”

To be continued…