AGGRESSION is often mistaken for assertiveness, but these are two completely different reactions. These are both communication styles or reactions. We all should stand up for ourselves, what we believe in and what we want. However, we can do so in a way that is responsible and respectful. To be assertive means to be forthright and straight with what you want while simultaneously taking other’s needs and wants into consideration. In contrast, aggression involves acts of self-interest and does not consider others or their feelings.

The most important thing to note is the tone and attitude during these communication responses. A person can have his/her own opinions and feelings, but that does not mean it can be rooted in disrespect towards others. Personally, that is a key distinction. It is unacceptable for people to use aggressive language or tactics and mask it as “I’m standing up for myself”. Assertiveness leaves room for effective communication, cohesion and accountability.

Sometimes, we may mistakenly use aggressive responses as well without knowing. As such, it is also important for us to recognise these flaws and make a conscious decision to respond better. In places of work, teamwork and collaboration requires effective communication—the recognition of a distinction between aggression and assertiveness is necessary. We should also actively practise being more assertive and less aggressive—even when angry or frustrated. Aggression only increases problems and challenges. This does not mean that the other receiving side should take advantage of a person’s ability to be assertive and not aggressive. Respect and effectiveness in communication should be extended to both parties.

Instead of making demands or threatening someone, you can be assertive by making requests or suggestions. Instead of attacking or demeaning people’s positions, you can explain what yours is. Instead of having a “win-at-all-cost mentality”, you can try to have a “win-win” mentality. Instead of speaking over others, try to compromise and establish boundaries.

You do not need to be a people-pleaser. You must be more mature and respectful in communicating your thoughts or emotions. To be aggressive solves nothing. Being assertive promotes growth and encourages collaboration. It’s up to you to decide which approach you’d prefer and what consequences you’re willing to face.