By Vanessa Cort
MY recent articles have been directed at helping people to recognise mental health challenges in themselves and others, encouraging them to seek professional advice and persuading other sufferers to do the same.
I have also had the opportunity to speak to someone, over the course of several months, whose conversation has gradually deteriorated to the point that it is verging on incoherence.

This young adult’s parents have also described behaviour that has been wavering between open hostility and a surprising calmness, sometimes in a matter of minutes.
There have been instances of verbal abuse, temper tantrums, alternating with periods of friendliness and even humour. These rapid mood shifts led the parents to seek out mental health counselling in an effort to understand what was happening to their child.

Consultations were arranged and for a while parents and child attended sessions where they were all encouraged to talk freely, discussing the problems they faced. However, this individual now seems to be entering a phase where counselling is seen as unnecessary; they no longer attend the therapy sessions and insist that all that is needed is a change of environment.

The conversation between us is rambling, with parents regularly being blamed for giving incorrect advice, such as counselling. Friends and relatives too are accused of not being helpful, particularly if they support the parents’ viewpoint.

While I am no mental health expert it seems to me that this young person is now, more than ever, in need of a mental health intervention, as their condition seems to be deteriorating. And this brings me to the question, ‘How do you get someone to seek help when they don’t feel they need it?’

I asked Psychotherapist, Shane Tull this and his response was, “There’s really not much you can do.” He, however, recommended that the lines of communication be kept open with that person and that family members and friends be encouraged to help.

It is also important to listen to what that person has to say, ask questions and find out in what way you can help them achieve their goals. For, as Mental Health America (MHA), points out, “You can’t push someone to do something unless they want to do it. But you can find out what they want and find ways to support…in a way you both can agree on”.

The organisation also makes the pertinent observation that, “People are naturally inclined to want to control aspects of their lives…The more we push at times, the more likely the other person will withdraw and double down on taking control of their own life.”

From my conversations with the person mentioned, I certainly subscribe to the MHA’s view that, “…to help someone who doesn’t want help…feels frustrating, exhausting and scary.”

However, both Shane Tull and the MHA concur that when persons present a danger to themselves or others, they may need to be hospitalised against their will. But, as the Psychotherapist acknowledges, “This is kind of hard because you don’t want to take away (his) rights,” which he says is the “conundrum” that families face and can only be done through the courts.

In this country, the Mental Health Unit can provide advice on such matters. But if the person presents no such risk, then the most we can do is listen, try to find ways to help and, as the MHA cautions, “Resist the urge to fix or give advice,” unless the person asks for it.

And these cautionary words from the MHA, we all should take heed of, “In the end, if someone really doesn’t want help, forcing them can be an option…but doesn’t seem to work very well.

In many cases, when we force people to do things, we want them to do, it only ends in fighting and resentment. Letting people make their own choices, even when their choices are the wrong ones and it leads to more pain, DOES NOT MAKE YOU (AS THEIR FAMILY, FRIEND, OR ANY KIND OF LOVED ONE) A FAILURE.