Vriesland woman explains the importance of loved ones

A FAMILY is said to be the first, best, biggest supporters and the last thing anyone has left if they have nothing else. And often, family members care for the young, old and the sick. For Alexandra Ramdhan, caring for family is something she knows a lot about.

Alexandra has called Vriesland home for almost 40 years but is originally from the East Bank of Demerara. “I belong to Coverden on the East Bank. Alexandra gives a bleak description of her children. She explained that most of her youth was spent living in fear of the abuse her mother suffered at the hands of her father.

“My childhood was chaotic because my father was abusive to my mother,” Alexandra said, “And most of the time I was living in fear. The amount of time he would tell her he would kill her and put her out.”
This impacted Alexandra greatly and her mother even more so. Around 21 years old however, Alexandra came to live in Vriesland. Her husband sparked her decision to move to Vriesland. Alexandra eventually gave birth to six children. Raising them, she explained, was not easy, but she made light of her situation.

“I have six children, and most of the time, it was me alone because my husband used to work in the interior. I never really found it hard unless I ran out of things. But I used to make much with whatever I had.” Alexandra’s ability to care for those around her has been evident since her youth when she would try to protect her mother from suffering at the hands of her father. This is perhaps why she became the caretaker of her sister who lives with special needs and her mother after she suffered what Alexandra calls a mental breakdown.

Some years ago, Alexandra’s older sister, a person living with special needs, was in the care of her mother. The pair was admitted to the Palms, unbeknownst to Alexandra. When she learned about where they were, she visited them a few times before deciding to take them home with her. The choice she made meant undertaking the responsibility of caring for the pair. Many people warned against her decision, but nevertheless, she decided to care for the two and has been doing so for almost 20 years.

Alexandra admitted that initially, she was fearful of the decision she made. She states that she undertook the responsibility with no clear way of exactly how she would care for them, just that she had to. “I know my mother sacrificed a lot. I can’t have a heart and have her in there, so I brought both of them out, and ever since, they are with me,” she explained. “I was even warned of the situation and what I may have to go through and what may become of all of us. I was really warned about it, but I brought them anyway.”

The most difficult aspect of caring for both of them is communication, says Alexandra. She explained that understanding both her mother and her sister and having them understand each other is the complex part, with Alexandra playing caretaker, supporter and mediator all at once.

Alexandra’s sister was diagnosed with polio, but her mother was never given a conclusive reason for her mental issues. Alexandra firmly believes that the abuse her mother suffered at the hands of her father caused the problems she is facing today. “She went through a lot of hardships. She went through real abuse and all kinds that you could think about,” she said.

Although caring for the pair is time-consuming, Alexandra has still found time to run a small business in the village of Vriesland. “I have had the shop for about four years. It was my daughter’s idea to open the shop and start selling the greens and so on.” Alexandra said. Even with the responsibilities she has, Alexandra still makes the time to talk to her fellow villagers. She described the people of Vriesland as friendly and partially the reason why she loves the community.

Despite the challenges caring for her family presents, Alexandra is ready to care for them as long as it takes. She explained that in many cases, struggles are meant to teach people particular things in life. And in many instances, perhaps it is often best to take some time. She said, “When you find that you are struggling, pray about it. Try not to think about it, go slow and whatever you want to achieve, or if there is a problem, go for a walk or listen to some music.”