A mother chronicles her life, its changes and challenges

It is said that there is no love like that of a mother. There is also the Guyanese saying, ‘This time nah like long time’. These are two sentiments that Sheila Ramchan embodies. Sheila is a villager of Dakara, and has been a villager for more than 45 years. “I was born in Criag. But my parents moved and took me over the river to the West Bank.”

Sheild grew up in a family considered small by the decade’s standards. She was the eldest of four sisters and one brother and described her childhood as a happy one. She stated that her days were filled with fishing, fun and taking walks along the canals and down back dams. This time Sheila stated, was among the very few times in her life when she felt happy. As she explained, her life took a turn when she was married at just 16 “My husband saw me one day while I was riding my bike. And he came home to ask my parents for me,” Sheila stated. “I was around 16at the time. And he, if I remember, he was 30-something.”

Sheila remembers her conversation with her mother after she found out that they indeed wanted her to marry a man twice her age. She told her mother that she just wasn’t ready to become a wife. “I told my mother that I was not ready to get married as yet,” she said. Sheila went in further, stating that at 16, she doesn’t believe that any young girl, herself included, is ready for marriage. She shared that, “That was too young. They, girls that age, don’t have the knowledge.”

Nevertheless, Sheila got married. But the couple’s time together was cut short. “I got married but I didn’t have any children with my husband. We weren’t married too long. We were only married for one year,” she said. Delving into exactly why their relationship was so short-lived, Sheila explained that instances of domestic violence are what ended the marriage while still in its honeymoon stage. “One time, he slapped me,” Sheila stated, “And I picked up a marmite bottle and threw it at him, and it burst his face. At the time, I was just 17.”

Some years later, Sheila got married to her second of three husbands and gave birth to her first daughter. She explained that this was the period of her life when things became financially difficult, with the birth of a baby, the loss of several of her family members and a husband that was out of a job for most of the time. “I was around 18 or 19 when I got my first daughter. I used to catch fish. I would go in the canals and on the dams. My mother died and then my father died. And my big brother died,” she recalled.

In the years that followed Sheila gave birth to a total of 18children. However, only eight of them are alive today. Sheila explained that throughout the many childbirths she has endured, there were always complications during her pregnancies. “When I am pregnant, I does get very sick,” Sheila stated. “One child I remember was a boy. He was around three years old when he passed away. He had a severe cold in his stomach, and he coughed plenty. And he took in and he died.”

Being a mother has been the focal point of Sheila’s life. Having given birth to as many children as she had under the circumstances is truly a unique story of endurance and strength. And most of her story takes place in the village of Dakara, even having a few of her children born among the grass in Dakara, with just her husband at her side. Sheila recounted many events from her life, emphasising that throughout her life, she has endured her fair share of struggle. And the village of Dakara is where many memories of her past still live.

“I have worked very hard in Dakara. I had to work to send them to school because their father wasn’t working. I had to work to make the ends meet,” she said. This, she says, is one of the stark contrasts between today’s generation and hers. Sheila believes that although her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren will have to persevere, she hopes that today’s circumstances are different and they would not have to undergo the same challenges as she did.

Sheila sees a better future for the next generation. Her advice to people, especially young people, is to enjoy their youth. Because as Sheila puts it, there is little happiness in adulthood and even less in old age, stating, “I can’t tell you about any easy time I had. The only easy time was with my mother and my father. That was the only time that I could never complain about. It was the only time I was happy.”