WHEN people talk about abuse, it’s mostly about physical abuse or emotional abuse. I have seen a lot of advocacy on abuse and the many forms of abuse, but I’ve hardly seen people discuss digital dating abuse in Guyana. There are conversations and information about cyberbullying, but not specific to online dating abuse. Abuse comes in many forms.

Unfortunately, as the world progresses, so will the minds of abusers. I’ve always stressed that technology can be a blessing or a curse. With that in mind, while technology can help bridge gaps and be a great tool for many couples, it can also be used as a method of abuse. Digital Dating Abuse is when an abusive partner uses technology (a smartphone, social media, tracking apps, etc.) to threaten, manipulate, harass, or intimidate a dating partner. According to the Women’s Freedom Center, Digital Dating Abuse describes a form of verbal and/or emotional abuse, pressure to send nude or private pictures or videos, and the use of social networking sites such as Instagram to bully, harass, stalk, or intimidate a boyfriend/girlfriend.

This phenomenon is most prevalent among teenagers and young adults but is not limited to them. Anyone can easily be a victim. With access to the internet and online mediums, there is a misconception that boundaries shouldn’t be adhered to or that you’re easily accessible and available simply because you have a mobile device. Digital Dating Abuse can be when your partner sends you insulting and demeaning messages or comments. It can be when they try to control what you post or whom you communicate with on social. It can be when they enter your account or phone without your permission or consent by stealing your password or pressuring you into giving it up. It can be in the form of your partner dictating what you should post, who your online friends can be, or what social media presence you should have.

If by chance you choose not to respond or engage in conversations with a partner or potential partner and they use threatening language towards you—you should immediately report it to the nearest police station. You shouldn’t have to send your live location or have anyone track you via GPS at all times if you don’t want to.

You have a right to personal space and boundaries—even digital ones. This is a new topic and area of abuse—while it may not be a textbook case. A spade should be called a spade and as such, abuse in many forms should be dealt with accordingly, including a digital scenario.

It’s okay to turn off your phone or stay away from online mediums if you don’t want to be there. No one should force you to stay online or to always be available on your phone if you don’t want to be, nor should they be upset.

Do not share your password or personal login information with anyone, not even a partner. It is called a password for a reason and it is there to provide you with security. Remember that you should not send any text, image, or video that you don’t feel comfortable sending. This includes graphic or explicit content with your partner.
I don’t think I need to remind you all of what happens if those nude pictures or sex-act get into the wrong hands. Possessiveness, aggression, rage, and jealousy are all unhealthy reactions to one’s partner—even if that reaction is a virtual or digital one.

Whether you’re in a long-distance, physical, or virtual relationship, you reserve the right to feel safe, secure, and comfortable in said relationship. A healthy relationship allows you to be individualistic and yourself. You should be able to have a life with your friends and family outside of your romantic relationship. Your phone and online socials should not make you accessible to anyone 24/7; the same goes for you in real life. You deserve the right to your personal space and privacy.