LIKE many of you, I’ve read the play, Julius Caesar by William Shakespeare. Brutus’ betrayal of his friend Julius brought out many themes that highlighted the painful reality of trust and betrayal. From the dawn of humanity, betrayal was always there, as documented in many civilizations and societies. Where there is love or trust, there can be a betrayal. Where there is betrayal, there is hurt, anger, frustration, and disappointment. Betrayal trauma is more common than we’d like to acknowledge because of the mere fact that betrayal on the whole is quite common. Whether intentional or not, it’s one of those emotions or experiences that will leave you with negative feelings and emotions. Betrayal can come in the form of infidelity from someone you’re in a romantic relationship with or a friend who crossed a boundary.

Betrayal can be in the form of your close family and friends not being there for you (physically or emotionally) in a time of need. The feeling of betrayal can result in many complex feelings to process all at once.

The most common types of betrayal are family, romantic, and friendship. All of these are equally difficult and complex to work through. Getting over a betrayal will not be a walk in the park. You’ll first need to evaluate the relationship you shared with the person who betrayed you. You need to decide whether or not that relationship is worth saving and if that person should be forgiven. Ask yourself, “are they apologetic and remorseful for what they did?”, “are they willing to make amends?”, “How has this changed you and the person in question?”, “Is the relationship beyond repair?” These questions and others can help you determine whether you should work to repair the relationship or not. At the end of the day, that decision is yours to make. You need to decide whether or not it’s healthy or suitable for you to remain in a relationship (of any kind) with the person who betrayed you.

On the road to healing, you must acknowledge that the betrayal happened at the hands of this person you highly trusted and cared for. I’ve seen too many people living in denial about what happened, but it’s better to accept the cold hard truth than to be comforted with denial about who they are and what they did to you. Allow yourself to feel those negative emotions that result from betrayal but don’t drown in them. It’s okay to be angry and feel it but don’t allow it to control you or disrupt your everyday life and routine. Remember that you can also take a break or stay away from the relationship/person if you feel it’s too overwhelming. Reflect on all aspects of the relationship—the past, the present, and the future. If something or someone doesn’t bring you joy or happiness then they are not healthy for you or your sanity.

Given that information, I hope you all make better, and more informed decisions about the persons who betrayed you in your life. The decision is yours to make at the end of it all. Lastly, I want to encourage you to always be kind to yourself. You owe yourself that much, especially after a traumatic betrayal at the hands of a loved one.