I know what the words productivity and anxiety are separately, but when I read how the Indian Poet Rupi Kaur used the term Productivity Anxiety—it was quite intriguing. In fact, her poem about it in her book ‘Milk and Honey’ best describes how I have been feeling lately. You might be wondering what exactly is productivity anxiety. It is essentially having the feeling that you are never enough despite how long and hard you work. The hours you work or how much you get done never truly leaves you feeling satisfied with your achievements. You are always thinking about what else is there to do. You’re always wondering about perfection, thinking ahead to the unknown and the what-ifs instead of acknowledging and appreciating the work you’ve done thus far. Productivity anxiety can also be used to describe the sense of shame or embarrassment you feel when you’re engaging in unproductive activities.
When you’re experiencing productivity anxiety, you may feel the constant need to keep busy. You’re constantly working. The idea of success in many capitalist societies is to “keep busy”. It gives you this false sense of security to get ahead of the line faster if you keep on working, right? I’ve felt that way ever since I was in high school. At the age of 22, I truly do feel like my life has been on such a fast pace path. Some days, all I do is focus on work. Even on days when I ought to rest or take breaks, I find myself thinking about what it is I have to do next. Life shouldn’t always be lived as a routine. Your days shouldn’t always be lived according to a strict schedule and timeline. It’s good to be organised. By all means, do what you must do to upkeep your productivity. You can spend all day working but if you’re in a state of never being satisfied by the work you do, then what’s the point in even doing it? Remember your purpose and reasons behind doing the things you do. You might start small like striking off simple to-do lists or grocery lists, but when your entire life becomes a list of accomplishments to constantly strike off, that is a sign that you may need to refocus your purpose and intentions.
“I have this productivity anxiety that everyone else is working harder than me and I’m going to be left behind cause I’m not working fast enough and I’m wasting my time”. This is a part of Rupi’s poem that resonated with me. The idea of being left behind can be frightening, especially in our capitalist world. You may feel the need to always keep up with your peers, and you might even feel like a failure or a fraud when you don’t achieve the things you set your mind to. The truth is, we’re all on differing paths. We all cannot be the same. It’s simply impossible. Learn to value your work and yourself a bit more. You don’t need to be constantly working for titles or awards to be reminded of your value or worth. A reason to always be busy may be that you need to distract yourself from your emotions or current circumstances. Drowning yourself in work and busyness will not take the problems you’re facing away—remember that. Remember, you can’t get ahead of the line if you’re burned out and mentally/physically exhausted. You ought to take care of yourself, your health, and your state of mind first—those goals can sometimes wait, whether they’re unrealistic or not.
