EVEN the closest-knit family will have problems sometimes; problems are inevitable once you are in the world. If you deal with them methodically and without drama, you set a good example to children, and they will take a leaf out of your book when they are in dire straits. Families should always be a child’s safe haven when problems occur, but not all families offer this type of refuge.

Some family circles are vague and uncertain; they break down when difficulties arise, and children suffer the consequences. As a result, some families never heal and remain fragmented. On the other hand, strong families weather the storms and the test of time. They become more resilient as life throws them ‘curve balls’ and accept lessons they derive from problematic encounters. Look at the following family problems; how would you deal with them? Try our quiz then check your answers with the ones below.

1) Arriving home unexpectedly, you find your 15-year-old son kissing a girl on the sofa. Do you –
a. Chase the girl out of the house and tell her don’t ever come back there – or else?
b. Give the youngsters a serious talk about ethics, dignity and self-control?
c. Tell the youngsters they should be ashamed of themselves and ground your son indefinitely?

2) After setting a trap, you catch your 8-year-old stealing from your purse, which she has previously denied. If you tell her Dad, she will get the ‘licks of Lisbon’. What do you do?
a. Punish her and monitor her closely for change; while you investigate the reason behind her stealing and lying.
b. Scream at her; use a belt to slap her fingers and wash her mouth with soap; then send her to bed without dinner.
c. Threaten to tell her Dad unless she promises not to do it again.

3) Your daughter (14) is a straight ‘A’ student and doing well. One day you push her bedroom door while she is changing and see what looks like evidence of self-harm on her body. Do you –
a. Scream in horror and ask her if she is mad. Then knock her about until she tells you why she did it?
b. Ask her what the marks are and how they got there. Analyse her answers and take steps to address what you both should do next?
c. Tell her she is a disappointment to the family; she has embarrassed you, and you will never trust her again?

4) You think your husband’s heavy drinking is influencing your children. Especially when your 13-year-old son takes two ‘shots’ of High Wine at a party and comes home drunk. Do you –
a. Ask your husband to speak to him about the pitfalls of alcohol and underage drinking?
b. Threaten him, once he is sober, about what will happen if he ever gets drunk again?
c. Explain your fears to him and the consequences of his actions. Seek professional advice before his drinking escalates?

5) After checking the history, you find out your 9-year-old son has watched graphic pornography online. Do you –
a. Explain to him that X-rated material is not for children and he must not do it again?
b. Talk to a professional for advice on the situation and monitor his internet use?
c. Stop him from using the internet unless you can be there to monitor what he is doing?

6) Your 12-year-old daughter is jealous of her younger brother (10) to the point where she pinches and provokes him, driving him to distress. Do you –
a. Keep them separate to prevent a toxic atmosphere?
b. Slap your daughter whenever she ‘troubles’ her brother?
c. Explore the reasons behind her resentful behaviour. Search online for information you can use?

7) Your 15-year-old daughter becomes aware that her father is flirtatious after seeing him with a woman. She vows never to trust him again. Do you –
a. Tell her she has much to learn about life and men in particular?
b. Tell her, now she knows what you’ve put up with all these years?
c. Tell her father how she feels and pray he finds the correct words to make amends?

ANSWERS: 1 (b) Without adequate guidance, teenagers will get up to mischief. Adults must supervise them and ensure they respect rules and boundaries. 2 (a) Negative behaviour can be a passing phase or a cry for help due to a deeper problem. Parents need to investigate the root cause of adverse behaviour. 3 (b) Some youngsters are good at hiding their pain and insecurities from adults. Self-harm is a genuine cry for help and needs professional intervention without delay. 4 (c) An alcoholic father cannot deter his son from drinking or advise him on lifestyle choices – the child will not take him seriously. Parents should assess and determine when their problems need professional assistance. 5 (b) Children can be equally fascinated and traumatised by things they see and learn online; without realising the long-term effects on their development. When parents are confused, worried or unsure, they should speak to experts and not leave anything to chance. 6 (c) Sibling rivalry can be profound without any apparent reason or basis for the negative emotion. Parents must monitor and intervene where necessary. Giving children individual attention and promoting healthy, practical communication skills, tolerance and love. 7 (c) Girls learn how men treat women based on how their fathers treat their mothers. Once a child has lost respect for a parent, it takes time and a lot of work to regain the bond and trust that once existed.

If you are concerned about the welfare of a child, call the CPA hotline on 227 0979 or write to us at childcaregy@gmail.com
A MESSAGE FROM THE CHILDCARE AND PROTECTION AGENCY,
MINISTRY OF HUMAN SERVICES AND SOCIAL SECURITY