GRIEF and joy are two words that are hardly found together in the same statements or sentences. For some, the two simply cannot coexist in the same space. I am currently experiencing grief and loss, and while I’m not ready to openly write on that in my column section, I still wanted to share with you all a little bit of “guilt trip” and/or confusion I’ve experienced while trying to heal from my grief. Even though I’ve lost, I am still gaining. I recently received an award for my outstanding performance in Guyana as a youth writer and entrepreneur, among other small wins, all while still enduring and facing loss and grief. Initially, I didn’t want to celebrate; I didn’t want even to acknowledge most of my wins, because it seemed ‘pointless’ at the time. It just didn’t feel right; no matter how prepared you think you are, nothing compares to being faced with grief. Even as a professional social worker who has studied grief and its stages in-depth, I wasn’t as prepared as I thought I was for these intense, emotional days. I don’t think anybody will ever be prepared for it, but that’s a topic for another column.

As I slowly penned my thoughts, bit by bit, I started to understand that it was really and truly okay to still applaud my wins, celebrate life, acknowledge my progress, or find joy and happiness, all while still grieving for something or someone you lost. Nobody ever said you need to do one or the other. I’d like to think that moments like these aren’t setbacks, nor are they reasons to pause. It’s simply life, and it’s in our nature to experience the good with the bad. It’s what the entire concept of Yin and Yang is based on. Often, we fear the judgment that comes after allowing ourselves to experience or feel positive emotions after or during grief. We fear people judge us for “moving on” too quickly, or they might even think it’s inappropriate of us to be positive during grieving. I beg to differ; grief is an ongoing process. Some may even say it’s a lifelong process. It’s also good and healthy for us to allow ourselves to experience positive and joyous emotions, events and even relationships. Worry less about what other people have to say about you and your well-being. At the end of the day, only you will be able to understand what’s best for you, and how you can accomplish overall peace.

If you find it difficult to find joy or happiness while grieving, remember that the first step is to give yourself permission. You need to intentionally allow yourself to enjoy the goodness and zest of life; it all goes back to your mind, and the power to control your thoughts and emotions. Allowing yourself to experience joy and happiness doesn’t exclude the feelings of grief, and the hurt that comes with it. Nonetheless, you can allow yourself to do both. You can share a laugh with your family, and also shed tears with them too. You can choose to go out today to celebrate, and you can choose to stay in and reminisce tomorrow. Grief does not exclude living your best life, and you should not feel guilty for allowing yourself to be positive about life either, even when things may seem gloomy. In the initial stages of grief, it may seem impossible to even smile, but, in the end, we as human beings always find ways to pick ourselves up (even if we need help along the way), and we find ways to adapt and thrive. You got this! We got this!