At the age of 18, an individual is considered to be an adult in the eyes of the law. Below the age of 18, you are considered to be a child or minor. As such, legal authority is entrusted with your guardian/parent, but children are still “property” of the state at the end of the day. This means that parents and guardians can lose their legal authority over the care of a child, and the state gets to decide what happens next. The idea that the state “owns” the child is from a legal standpoint. In my opinion and from various readings, this is merely done to protect the child from any harm their entrusted guardians can pose to them. Many persons are unaware of the fact that they are essentially being given a “loan” to care for their child. I do agree that the state has every right to intervene when necessary, but many parents are of the opinion that they “own” or “possess” their children. This ideology is adapted years after a child becomes an adult, and that poses a threat for many young adults.

Note the word threat in the previous sentence? Recently, there was an ongoing incident of a young woman reporting to the media and police of abuse from her father, a popular businessman. I’m sure you’ve seen the media reports and interviews plastered over Facebook. The nature of the story entails that the young woman refuses to live the life her father wants for her and as such, she was physically and emotionally abused for years because of it. Even though, from a legal perspective, her father no longer has legal authority over her, from a cultural and social perspective, Guyanese parents have differing views on what happens with the nature of the relationship between them and their children well after their child has grown into an adult. I can understand that many parents will argue that they only want the best for their child, and parenting can continue after they reach the age of 18. In the same breath, young adults ought to be respected and heard. You can’t want what is “best” for your child and abuse, manipulate and coerce them simultaneously.

A common mistake made amongst parents entails teaching one’s child/children to be dependent upon entering adulthood. The goal is not to ensure they become a model adult when they’re already grown, adults. Instead, parents should seek to teach and guide their children toward becoming responsible, independent adults. Some households will disown, neglect and even abuse the young adults in the family simply because they want to follow a path they see fit for their careers, education or family planning. Some parents use the conditioned dependency of their children as a weapon of control. Some young adults may be financially or physically dependent upon their families. Instead of empowering said young adults, those families will wield that dependency in the power-imbalanced relationship to show their children that they “own” them. I’ve spoken to many young people like myself over the years, and it’s sad to see how many of them are faced with the dependency dilemma.

I hope in years to come, we try and shift the narrative of this unhealthy parenting ideology; that parents “own” their children, even as adults. It can be quite traumatic for children to grow up in unhealthy environments that project this pattern. As long as the young adults don’t harm themselves or others with the decisions they choose to make—let them be their own legal guardians, as the law states. Young Guyanese, especially young women, constantly have to prove or fight for their independence as an adult. It’s ridiculous. “I bring them in this world, so I can take them out”, “is me mek you” or “nobody can’t tell me how to raise my child” are all dangerous idioms and phrases that we’ve heard for many generations. It needs to stop. It’s about time we start giving our children valuable tools as they grow and trust that they can make the right choices for themselves, as the law provides. Stop thinking that physically/emotionally forcing them to do as you say is the same as advising your young-adult child towards making a better life decision.