SOME adults find it hard to connect with children in a relaxed and friendly way. They believe they should have a strict approach so that children would not ‘take their eyes and pass them’. These adults can come across as regimental and stern, not fun-loving, thoughtful, kind or approachable. It follows that these are not the type of adults that children readily confide in or wish to emulate.

Children seldom wish to be rude to adults (or take their eyes and pass them). They depend on grown-ups for guidance and protection. They prefer to bond and engage with them, feel comfortable around them and with them, share love and affection. Rude children learn the behaviour through their setting (environment) or because their parents failed to nip their ‘rudeness’ in the bud and allowed it to spiral out of control.

Strict Parents usually have high expectations of their children, which puts pressure on children to perform and achieve. Their participation in events is for the sake and gratification of their parents rather than the joy of competing or attaining. If children fall short of the acquired expectation, they will feel inadequate or fail in their parent’s eyes.

Although they may have done their best, it may be impossible for them to live up to their parent’s expectations. Parental support should be generous and considerate to the child’s needs, and everything a child achieves should be appreciated and celebrated.

While disciplining children is essential for teaching acceptable behaviour and right from wrong, it is also crucial for adults to spend time and have fun with children and give them space. Regimes and rules they must adhere to, without flexibility, can suppress a child’s creativity, curiosity, and natural ability.  A few simple guidelines for children to remember is all they need, with clear explanations and reasons why they are in place. Households need structure, and children cope well and feel protected and secure when they understand the arrangement and boundaries in their surroundings.
Discipline metered out in line with the circumstances surrounding a child’s behaviour shows understanding and fairness while teaching the same virtues. Children are sharp; they can tell when the punishment fits the deed and when the punishment far outweighs the deed. They are also aware of when they get away with something. Therefore, parents must be consistent with discipline to keep children in line but flexible when required.

Harsh or unjust punishment in a child’s eyes may lead to telling lies to avoid the consequences of their actions. If children tell lies, allow them to think twice about their answer and ‘come clean, especially when there is overwhelming evidence against them. How many times have we heard the tactic that some parents use? “You’re not going to get in trouble, just tell the truth”.

On the other hand, if telling the truth means parents will over-react, cause a scene, swear or cuss in public (or beat the child), it is much harder for them to confess. Parents who behave disorderly when disciplining children need to take a serious look at their behaviour and discipline strategy. They are missing the point of positive or flexible parenting.

Even when trouble is looming, children must be encouraged to be honest and face the outcome of their actions. If they do not learn this quality when young, it could seriously affect their adult lives and relationships. Some parents make excuses for children and overlook their wrongdoings through sentiment or pride, but this does not help in the long run. It is fundamental to childhood that children gain qualities that enhance their lives. Learning from their mistakes helps them to understand that life has natural consequences.

The connection between adults and children needs to be balanced and as worthwhile for the child as the adult. The way parents behave and interact can impact the way children think, (positively or negatively) their level of confidence and potential outcome in life. Most parents want their children to do well and achieve great things, but they may need to evaluate their parenting strategies to meet the developing child’s needs rather than their personal requirements.

A nine-year-old girl practised karate; she was timid but had a natural flair for the art. She caught on quickly and learnt her katas (formations) well. She became popular with the Sensei (Teacher) and other students. While performing her moves in the dojo (practice area), her mother would sit and watch patiently with the other parents and on-lookers.
However, one day the girl was terrified over an incident that occurred while her mother had popped out. She confided in an older female student, ‘don’t tell my mom what happened earlier, please, she beats me if I get anything wrong during the session’.
The mother did not seem deranged, angry or unapproachable, yet her daughter was living in fear of getting beat over a natural occurrence – making a mistake. As adults and parents, we must assess how we think, what we do and our relationships with children, to ensure we do more good for their future than harm and not vice versa.

If you are concerned about the welfare of a child, call the CPA hotline on 227 0979 or write to us at childcaregy@gmail.com
A MESSAGE FROM THE CHILDCARE AND PROTECTION AGENCY,
MINISTRY OF HUMAN SERVICES AND SOCIAL SECURITY