THERE are people in our society who have mental health issues. The majority of whom have no idea that their thought process or feelings and beliefs differ considerably from the average person. Unfortunately for children, some of these people are their parents; adults who can harmfully taint their child’s upbringing and outlook on life.
Whenever the words’ mental health’ is mentioned in Guyana, the public tends to associate them with people acting mad and committing crazy deeds or offences. Still, it is not always immediately apparent that someone has a mental illness or disorder. We walk past people with mental problems every day, sometimes we interact with them, and things may run smoothly or they may not; it all depends on their state of mind at the time. By now, most people have heard of bipolar disorder; post-traumatic stress disorder, and borderline personality disorder. These are just a few of the ailments that affect people who have suffered extreme emotional or mental stress in childhood; there are many more. These ailments can also result from genetic features and the negative environmental influences in which children are raised. The disorder can be mild, moderate or severe.

Parents cope the best way they know; using the physical, mental and emotional capabilities they possess. However, many fall short due to any or a combination of the negative experiences mentioned above. In some households,’ Parents abuse their children physically, emotionally and psychologically. They accuse them of bad behaviour, unaware of the fact that they, (and not the children) are the ones who have problems and need professional guidance and help. Parents can have irrational, ignorant, narcissist, impulsive, and sometimes explosive, unstable behaviour that is ‘normal’ for them, but negatively affects their children’s growth and natural development. One fourteen-year-old boy recalls: “My mom was incarcerated when I was small and my Uncle and Aunt looked after me well; I was happy. Now mom is home, and we live together, but I don’t like the things she does and says to me, or her attitude. She is always beating, forcing or threatening me to do things that she wants, which only makes me dislike her more. I want to like her, she is my mother, but right now I’m unhappy. I pray that one day I won’t be afraid of the horrible things she says or of getting beat and I can speak my mind. If we are going to have a mother-son relationship, we must understand each other and talk things through. The more she keeps forcing me to do what she wants, the more she pushes me away’.

In this scenario, the mother seems unable to connect with her son or see him as a young man who has rights and his own mind. She has a problem, stemming from her past, and now shaping how she deals with the present. Trying to bond with her son after a long absence, in an insensitive manner is causing more damage than good. She is unable to see her son’s perspective or take his emotions and thoughts into consideration. The child would like to bond with his mother, but the mother’s tactics prevent the child from being himself and causing him undue anxiety and emotional anguish. Some people may observe this situation and think, the mother has every right to treat her son any way she chooses because the boy is a child, and she is the mother. Another person might say the mother needs guidance as she does not possess the skills to communicate effectively with her son. Whichever observation you agree with, without professional intervention, the child will suffer. So many children adopt negative behaviours because their parents have problems. The mother or father might say, ‘I don’t know why this child behaves like that. He doesn’t listen when I talk; he’s disrespectful’. But the child might explain to a counsellor, ‘My father calls me bad names and slaps me in my head for silly things. He is always on his phone; I can’t communicate with him.’

When highlighted by professionals, some parents can recognise their problem, and its effects on their children. They are open to adopting new parenting strategies and learning where the problems lie and how they can be fixed. The Childcare and Protection Agency, Ministry of Human Services and Social Security, hosts programmes for parents who want to help themselves and their children enjoy a better future. Counselling, therapy, and parental programmes go a long way in righting some ills meted out to children from frustrated, problematic parents. However, some parents refuse to acknowledge their problems. They believe their actions and behaviour are correct and would go to lengths to prove that they can do and say what they like to their children. In their eyes, no one has the right to intervene or stop them. In severe cases where parents are harming children and causing them misery, the children may become ‘wards of court’, and a judge will rule in the child’s best interest. Self-reflection and self-evaluation can help parents decide whether they are fair and level-headed in their decision-making on behalf of children, or whether they are guided by pain from the past. If you are concerned about the welfare of a child, call the CPA hotline on 227 0979 or write to us at childcaregy@gmail.com
A MESSAGE FROM THE CHILDCARE AND PROTECTION AGENCY,
MINISTRY OF HUMAN SERVICES AND SOCIAL SECURITY