(Names have been changed to protect identity)

TOO many of our young women who grew up without fathers are looking for something they will never find. Coming from what can be termed as a broken home, there is definitely something missing from their lives. That ‘something’ has affected their decision-making and coping skills. It has also left scars and wounds unseen by the naked eye, but apparent in their life choices.

Davina-Rose came from a broken home and had a child at 19, with a man who loved her and whom she believed she loved also. But the young couple never thought through a plan for their family future. They took every day as it came; having fun with their friends, or going to night clubs and raves. There was very little family life or togetherness between mother, father and child. After eighteen months of tolerance, which involved some domestic abuse, they parted.

Now, this would be the perfect time for Davina-Rose to take a moment to reflect on her life. She is 20 years old with a young daughter, estranged from her father. What would be the best thing to do for the child? What would be the best thing to do for herself and their future? How can she, and should she move forward? What essentials does she need to survive?

These are the logical questions that make sense after a break-up, whether it was amicable or painful. Once there are children involved, their well-being and welfare must be prioritised and considered along with all plans. Davina-Rose needs time and space. Time to think about the implications of the break-up and get her thoughts in order.

How will she tackle the future? She also needs room to breathe; to take a good look at herself. To acknowledge her strengths and weaknesses and to identify where she needs to better herself. It is impossible to make the right decision when your mind is in turmoil. Therefore, after any significant event in life, we must give ourselves time.

But not Davina-Rose, she already had her eye on someone. The young man at the wash bay, would always ‘trouble she’ when he saw her walking out with her daughter. He knew she had a man so he would only make jokes about ‘how good she looked’ and ‘if only he could find a nice girl like her’ etc.

They both knew the jokes were his way of saying he wanted to be with her and It wasn’t long before they hooked up. Davina-Rose knew nothing about him the night she invited him over ‘to talk’. And before she learnt the salient facts, e.g. that he already had two children with two ‘child mothers’ so she should at least, use protection; she was ‘child-mother’ number three.

At the age of twenty-four, Davina-Rose had two children with different fathers who were not in their lives. Although the first father, to his credit, did try to visit and bond with his daughter, Davina-Rose stopped the visitations, citing this reason – ‘Unless he could support the child financially, he could not see her’.

The children grew fast and enjoyed a mishmash of childhood sometimes living with their mother and sometimes staying with a Miss Lillian Fung, while Davina-Rose was ‘in the bush’. They attended school sporadically and got by the best way they could, which meant, a little stealing, a little begging and a lot of lying and getting beat.

Davina-Rose fell out with some people in the bush and decided to move back to town. She rented an apartment on the East Coast for her and the children. For a while, their lives were stable, the children attended a new school, and Davina-Rose worked as a sales assistant in the local supermarket.

Aged six and seven at this stage, the children had spent crucial developmental years without the fundamental guidance, love and attention of a mother or father. Their mother’s decisions were beneficial to her, but not in the best interest of the children.

Some might argue that Davina-Rose did the best she could with the knowledge and resources she had at her disposal, but children need secure families and positive role models. Broken people, from broken homes, keep doing broken things without seeking to heal themselves; and children are the casualties of their actions.

A young woman might look for love and commitment, and someone to show her he cares because she lacks self-esteem or has a bad relationship with her parents. Maybe she needs someone to talk to, or someone to shower her with admiration and compliments. These desires usually lead to sex – a quick solution to a much deeper problem.
What she needs is to try some self-reflection and ask herself, why does she have these yearnings and misplaced feelings? How can she manage her emotions? From where do her anger or feelings of abandonment stem? Young women should stop taking different men into their lives until they know themselves and understand their priorities. Exposing children to different men puts them at risk. It is time these women realise; love is not sex, and sex is not love.

If you are concerned about the welfare of a child, call the CPA hotline on 227 0979 or write to us at childcaregy@gmail.com
A MESSAGE FROM THE CHILDCARE AND PROTECTION AGENCY,
MINISTRY OF HUMAN SERVICES AND SOCIAL SECURITY