I TRY to keep up to date with everything that’s been happening around us. From local, to national and even international news—I take it all in. Recently, I’ve been noticing an alarming number of reported cases of violence towards and murder of women. Is this an ongoing issue? Does gender have anything to do with it? Is there a deeper, underlying and more pressing concern about what’s happening? These are all questions that have engaged my mind and even as I write this piece, I cannot fully answer them all.

I find it upsetting. Why? Well, for starters, most of these women knew and trusted their killer/abuser. They were close to them. Most of the perpetrators were once trusted by these women and girls. It leaves one to wonder; if we cannot trust our spouses, our fathers, our uncles, our brothers—then who are we then to trust? I’ve also seen many instances where the victims were blamed and shamed. Somehow, the fact that they were either abused or murdered flew over the heads of many and they went straight to blaming the victims for the horrendous acts that were committed by an abuser/murderer.

I’m not sure if I’ll be the first Guyanese writer to say this, but I certainly hope I’m not the last—“we ought to stop romanticising abuse”. Sometimes it’s very hard to notice and spot even if it happens right in front of our eyes because it is embedded so much into our culture. Perhaps the most heart-wrenching truth about all of this is that fact that many of the victims do not even know that they are actual victims. Many of our girls were groomed and raised to believe that certain abusive traits ought to be accepted. Many of our girls were taught the unpalatable act of submission. They don’t know better because they weren’t taught what better is or what it means.

As always, I’ll receive the backlash from the patriarchy just by writing such a piece. They will argue on how certain gender roles and traits are not deleterious to us as a society. However, I urge you to look beyond the headlines, read the stories, listen to the survivors and understand the effects of the abuser/murderer’s actions. See the parallels for yourself. I refuse to believe that this is all just one big coincidence. I have been using the hashtag #StopKillingOurWomen on my social media. To bring it closer to home, we can use #StopKillingOurGYWomen. Use it to bring awareness to these issues, use it to stand with the survivors, mourn the dead and use it to speak against the abusers and murderers.

It’s about time we stop turning a blind eye to these issues. Our systems that are set in place to protect these victims should also be held accountable just like the abusers and murderers. From the police officers who’d refuse to listen to victims or make it uncomfortable for them to speak to, to the social service agencies and their breaches of confidentiality, to the families and neighbours who refuse to intervene. These systems can also fail our women and girls, just as much or even worse than their abusers. It’s about time it stops.