UNFORTUNATELY, there is nowhere in the school curriculum that teaches young people how to raise happy, healthy, responsible children; and for those embarking on parenthood, learning as they go along can be stressful. Lack of parenting skills is sometimes portrayed in the way that children behave when they are older. For instance, a child might grow to be disobedient, sulky, stubborn, ‘hard ears’, lazy or troublesome.
Take the plight of a first time father who wanted to go for a jog with his friends, but his son, aged three, wouldn’t let him go. Every time the father tried to sneak away, the boy started crying and misbehaving. So the father would stop and console his son each time. After several unsuccessful attempts to steal away, the father decided that he would take his son with him, much to the disappointment of his jogging buddies, who had to change their original exercise regime, due to a three-year-old child.

Children do have this much power over their parents and more, but parents can change this. In this case, the father should have explained clearly to the child, what will take place, and stick to it. Even if a child has a meltdown and starts bawling and flailing around on the floor, it should not deter the adult. Parents need to be strong and not cave in. The crying will calm down and eventually cease at some stage, and a valuable lesson would have been learnt.

There is nothing wrong with a child crying through his/her perceived sorrow, just the same as there is nothing wrong with a child learning that things in life do not always go the way he/she may wish. While a child should not be deprived out of spite or neglect, there is nothing wrong with laying down and sticking to some ground rules. This will allow the child to understand that there are boundaries. Sometimes the boundaries are tweaked and sometimes they are relaxed, but they exist, so cry and perform as he/she might, it is not going to have the desired effect.

Parents should agree early on how they will raise their child, and yet, many parents hardly discuss this essential aspect of their child’s development. Lots of parents leave child-rearing to chance, and then end up saying disparaging things about their children such as: ‘this child too disgusting’, ‘this child too own way’, this child have no manners, ‘this child will not turn out good’, ‘I don’t know why this child stay suh?’. Most attributes children have, were learnt from their parents or encouraged by them. This could happen subconsciously.

Children do have their own personalities, and these are not to be stifled by parents trying to bend them into the shape they require. But children do need to be taught the right way in life and not just supplied with necessary provisions. Parents and care-givers should also anticipate the needs of their children. If children are gifted in a particular talent, parents should encourage them to practise same; they should expose their children to a variety of activities and experiences that will enhance them holistically.

When young people have little, adult interjection, or anyone showing an interest in their lives, they are left to be guided by their immature, precarious moral compass. An orphaned 14-year-old girl had been sending nude pictures online to some of her male followers. When the aunt with whom she resided found out, the aunt, and another female relative set about beating the child until a male family member intervened.
When he heard the whole story, rather than endorse the punishment, he realised that the child lacked guidance and direction in her life. He asked the two female relatives, ‘Has anyone ever told her that this behaviour is wrong and why she should not do it?’

As the child grew, a trusting person should have taken the time to explain the difference between acceptable and unacceptable behaviour. Also, every child should be taught, ‘when you are in doubt, ask an adult’. Not just in the case of moral actions or deeds, but also when children are online because the internet plays a significant role in their lives.

Unfortunately for teenage girls, without proper supervision, or someone to look up to, to guide them, falling into this type of trap is prevalent. The problem is compounded if they are lonely, insecure and need a father or mother figure in their lives.
Unbeknown to some adults, most teenagers are interested in their bodily functions, (especially their sexual ones) their self- image and how they are perceived by others. This is natural and should not be frowned upon by parents. Though a level of vigilance, interaction, and a few stern but choice words from parents may be needed, to steer a child away from danger and keep him/her on the right track.

Children and young people go through many stages of development, of which parents should be cognisant. Raising children does not have to seem like a battlefield, but for success, a little extra know-how, some strategising and consistent work are needed. (If you are concerned about the welfare of a child call the CPA hotline on 227 0979 or write to us at childcaregy@gmail.com A MESSAGE FROM THE CHILDCARE AND PROTECTION AGENCY, MINISTRY OF SOCIAL PROTECTION)