MANY myths are surrounding ‘physical abuse’ also known as Domestic Violence and some of them are particularly outrageous. Take, for instance, the one where the perpetrator pummels the victim to a pulp and then, using reverse psychology, says, “See what you made me do?” Meanwhile, the victim is lying on the floor with a fractured rib and other injuries thinking, “it’s all my fault… if I hadn’t done such and such, then this would never have happened”. That is myth number one.

If the same scenario (the reason behind the attack) was to play out in the workplace but instead of a partner it was the boss man or a colleague who upset the perpetrator, there is no way that the perpetrator would start beating up on their boss or fellow worker. This proves that it is controlled, deliberate aggression.
Physical abuse is never acceptable under any circumstances and it is not the victim’s fault. Over time, many victims believe the myth that it is and they become further subdued, while the perpetrator continues their unacceptable behaviour; beating up on someone as if they have a God-given right.

When it comes to one individual taking advantage of another, Oprah coined two very useful phrases. She said, ‘when someone shows you who they are the first time… believe them’ and ‘people will only do to you what you allow them to do’. Therefore, at the first hint of violence or aggression in a relationship, it should be deemed unhealthy, no ifs’ nor buts’ nor maybes’, the victim and perpetrator should part.
Children should not be raised in toxic environments such as these where they are forever living on ‘high alert’ due to systematic domestic violence or sporadic displays of aggression. How are they meant to have a sense of well-being, security and protection when they are aware that at any time, for any reason, there could be a flare-up?

Myth number two; women are the only victims. In most abusive relationships, the man is the perpetrator, but there are many cases where the woman is the one firing the blows on the man. Very seldom do men report cases of physical abuse unless it is a male on male attack. One international story saw a well-respected solicitor consistently beaten and bullied by his wife, but due to his high standing in the community, he never reported it. Eventually, she stabbed him through the heart; only then was the extent of the physical abuse revealed. The Chief Crown Prosecutor described the case as ‘a violent repressive relationship that robbed the victim of his power or ability to stop the violence’. Internationally, there is a rising trend of women being jailed for domestic violence.
Myth number three; women are the only victims. Yes, this is the same myth as number two and once again women are NOT the only victims, because parents who partake in violent or aggressive relationships around their children are also victimising their children. Even if the child is not harmed physically, he/she can still suffer emotional and psychological damage by witnessing someone they love being distressed or abused. This can affect their self-esteem and could lead to depression.

Children could become withdrawn or, on the contrary, become violent. They will grow believing that physical abuse is the correct way to deal with problems that affect them in life. They may choose violent partners or be attracted to relationships where they are occasionally slapped around and subdued, and accept this as something normal. Exposure to domestic violence robs children of the right to develop in a safe, stable home environment; it is a violation of their rights.
Another myth is the one where a perpetrator believes the partner ‘likes’ the blows or else he/she would never have done what he/she did to make him/her vex. Really? It’s hard to imagine anyone enjoying being knocked about, and especially by someone who is meant to love them. Then there is that classic line that victims use to fool themselves ‘he beats me because he loves me’. That must be one crazy type of love that only a few people know about, where pain is inflicted and accepted as proof.

Maybe it helps the perpetrator to feel better about his heinous actions when he makes up excuses; ‘he/she deserves what he/she got…I had to straighten her/him out…I had to show him/her who is boss… But the truth of the matter is, no one has the authority to physically harm another, just like no adult has the right to harm a child.
In most negative situations, a person has three options that lead to a solution: option 1:

you can change the situation; option 2: you can tolerate the situation; or option 3: you can move away from the situation. Take your pick. Physical abuse should never be accepted as ‘normal’ behaviour because it is far from normal and both the perpetrators and the victims of physical abuse, need help. You can call the Domestic Violence Unit on 225 8693 or their hotline on 640 1011.
If you are concerned about the welfare of a child, call the CPA hotline on 227 0979 or write to us at childcaregy@gmail.com
A MESSAGE FROM THE CHILDCARE AND PROTECTION AGENCY,
MINISTRY OF SOCIAL PROTECTION