AS a woman, how would you feel if you found out that someone you love and care for; whom you have built your life, family and home with, is guilty of child sexual abuse? It would be a hard pill to swallow, wouldn’t it? Your brain would automatically go into denial and you would probably end up making all types of excuses why the information is not true.

Many women have found themselves in this situation and the next thing they have to do is make a choice. Is their daughter telling the truth about their partner/husband or exaggerating the facts? or is the man they have been intimate with (for so long) really nothing but a low-down, untrustworthy, sex fiend?

Surprisingly, some women would blame their daughter and accuse the child of ‘trying to steal their man’ or they would rather believe that their daughter ‘threw herself at the man’ rather than accept the fact that the ADULT is ALWAYS accountable for sexual activity between an adult and a child and therefore the adult (male perpetrator) is to blame for this criminal offence. Even if the child appears to be a willing participant.

Fathers have had incestuous relationships with their pubescent daughters, which have shocked families, and neighbours. Such debauchery leaves people asking, how could this happen? How could a man make a child with a woman and watch that child grow from a tiny baby to a schoolchild and then into a teenager and harbour sexual feelings and desires toward that child?

Not only is the very idea twisted, that any man would view his offspring in this manner, but imagine how confusing this is to the child? Her father who helped to raise her, who loves her and has provided for her is now making SEXUAL ADVANCES towards her; and when he is not doing that, he is finding reasons to be at home alone with her: trying to touch her inappropriately or brushing against her at every chance he gets.

When you are a child, you love and respect your parents in a special way, it therefore, becomes hard for young women who find themselves in these predicaments, to make a judgement call and speak out about sexual advances from their fathers, uncles, stepfathers or other male family members.

They know that speaking out would disrupt their entire family in a negative and devastating way. Added to this are the fallacies that perpetrators use to mute their victims – convincing them that they are to blame for what happened and/or no one would believe them if they disclosed.

One young girl (17) said, ‘My dad was the nicest person, if he went out he’d come back with ice-cream for everyone, he treated us really well, but he sexually abused me and I would never forgive him for that’. Another girl (15) explained that her step-father had abused her systematically and she didn’t want to talk about the actual sexual abuse, but she did want to explain how her mother found out.

“My step-father saw me walking home with a boy from school and he got really mad. When I reached home he began to make a lot of fuss about it and no matter how my mother tell he calm down… he would not let it go. Eventually, he flew into a rage and began beating me…well, I was giving he little backchat as well, so that made it worse… but I’d lost respect for he and in a way, I wanted the story to come out.

When I tell you this man beat me; he beat me so bad. I could hear my mother saying while he attacked– ‘Left she now nuh! left she’ – but my mother didn’t know why he was so mad and when he finished all I could do was go and lie down.

It wasn’t the little backchat that gotten him so worked up, it was me and the boy, laughing and having fun, he was jealous. That night when everyone was asleep, even though my body ached, I put some clothes together in a bag and sneaked out of the house. I went to my mother’s friend, who did not live too far away and I stayed with her ‘til morning. The next day she took me to the Childcare and Protection Agency (CPA).

I spoke to a CPA officer and the whole story came out. The police were called in and an investigation began into my case. That was how my mum found out – and how I ended up in care.”

Both stories were told by girls who are now women. They probably have their own families, homes and careers, but what is their outlook on life? And how much has their traumatic past affected their present lives? And will it affect their future?

Lots of women have stories of child sexual abuse or near misses during their childhood that have never come to light. More sites should exist where they can share their stories. In so doing, they might benefit from some form of therapeutic relief and healing; it most definitely would help their sense of well-being.

Although we may not like to admit it, child sexual abuse is happening all the time and will continue to happen in households and situations where adults are not astute, vigilant, or do not pay enough attention to the TYPE of people they have around their children. Protect and empower children to speak out and listen to what your children have to say.

If you are concerned about the welfare of a child call the CPA hotline on 227 0979 or write to us at childcaregy@gmail.com
A MESSAGE FROM THE CHILDCARE AND PROTECTION AGENCY,
MINISTRY OF SOCIAL PROTECTION