Facing forced marriage in this modern age

By Naomi Parris
FOR decades, young women and girls across the world have been subjected to arranged and forced marriages, while many may see the harsh truth of arranged and forced marriages in the mainstream media in other parts of the world, it’s a taboo subject that is not often talked about in Guyana, despite many young women in the country still being forced into unwanted and arranged marriages.

Lily’s Story
Nineteen-year-olds “Lily” (name changed) is fresh out of high school and looking to start a new journey into adulthood. The teen, who is currently job hunting, noted that she is considering pursuing a career in nursing; she is,however, keeping her options open due to the effects of the COVID-19 pandemic.

One would think the only things on Lily’s mind are her plans for academics and her career; however, for weeksm the young woman has been trying to find innovative ways to tell her parents she is not yet ready to be married.

Earlier in 2019, Lily had told her parents about her high school boyfriend whom she was with since 2018, but she stated that this announcement shifted things in her relationship with her parents.

“Growing up, I was never short of anything. Whenever I needed something, if my parents weren’t able to give it to me right away, I still would get it whenever they could afford it…honestly, it was great [but] it changed when my family found out I had a boyfriend last year,” she stated.

The young woman told the Pepperpot that her parents had lost trust in her and have since kept an eye on her like a hawk and have begun talking about marriage.
While the young woman noted that she is happy with her relationship, she is not ready for marriage.

The young woman noted that her parents have placed herself and boyfriend on some bizarre restrictions and have been pressuring her to get married to him by 2021.
Lily revealed that there is so much more she wants to do with her life before getting married, such as furthering her studies and finding a job to have the feeling of independence and earning for herself.

‘The talk’
Lily admitted that it was a challenge to tell her parents about her relationship, since she was unclear about how they would have reacted despite being incredibly open with her mother.

“I tell my mom everything, but when it came to my relationship we never had ‘the talk,’ so it was very difficult for me to open up to her about it, at first she didn’t like the idea, but eventually she grew to like him,” she said.

She noted that she avoids having serious conversations with her parents since in most cases parents, especially in the Caribbean and East Indian community, if a child or children dare to disagree or share their opinions on various discussions it is seen as “answering back,” a blatant disrespect or disregard for your parents. As such, she avoids confrontation, not wanting to destroy the little relationship she has with her mother.
“When it comes to parents the courage and bravery disappear…I don’t answer them back, mainly because I don’t want to cause any problems;, nor do I want anything to mess up my relationship with my mom,” she stated.

What happened to just dating?
While Lily admits that she is in love with her boyfriend, she still believes they both are still way too young for marriage.

She stressed that she is still quite young, and a rushed marriage does not have her nor her partner’s best interest at heart. The young woman noted that she wished her parents understood the concept of just dating. Lily added that she wished Caribbean parents, especially Indo-Guyanese, would normalise dating someone and cut children some slack on the notion of getting married to the first boy/man a girl has dated.

Lily noted that it’s not just about her since she believes there may still be many Indo-Guyanese girls who don’t have a say in what they wish to do with their lives, especially when it comes to selecting a life partner even in this modern age. She also believes that these girls are either subjected to an arranged marriage or pressured into getting married; hence, many young women find themselves in abusive and toxic relationships which they feel helpless in, since it’s hard to leave, due to the shame they might face from their parents and others within the community.

Marriage is not a contract
In sharing her sentiments regarding the possible presence of such practices within Indo-Guyanese culture, President of the Guyana Hindu Dharmic Sabha Dr. Vindhya Persaud noted that marriage is a relationship that should be entered into by mutual consent. In fact, she added that during the Hindu marriage ceremony, there are steps where mantras are said and one of those very critical steps says that both parties present are there because of mutual consent; in other words, nobody didn’t force them to get married.
“I don’t agree with anybody being pressured into marriage…marriage is not a contract, it’s an institution and it’s bringing two people together, families together and if they are there by mutual consent and because of their emotions, then it’s their own initiative of entering into something that is not only respected. but something very honoured not only by society, but by the two people entering it,” she stated.
‘Cut us some slack’

In Lily’s case, the young girl stated that she wished her parents would trust her more and respect her wishes; however, it is not exactly easy for her to just tell her parents “No, this is not what I want,” since that may be seen as her being disobedient and disrespectful to her parents.

She stated that she is hoping that one day, her parents will trust her enough to make her own decisions, especially in selecting a life partner. However, it’s a quite difficult conversation to have and sadly, the day to have that conversation maybe later, raher than sooner.