THE compilation of domestic murders over the past 20 years is staggering. My gender has been traditionally conditioned nurtured and impacted upon with a culture that has prepared us for the Army, Police Force and the risk-taking of breaking grounds in unknown territory like our early Pork Knockers who paid the rapids with hundreds of lives in the quest for the sprinklings of El Dorado to take their families out of poverty. Men aren’t supposed to cry, we’re supposed to keep it inside, to contain it, and find placebos to enable us to move forward with heads held high. Nature, however, is unconcerned with our ancient warrior creeds and dictates, developed for the survival of the Tribe. I detest the term that ‘men must get in touch with their female side’, which is an opinion derived from all that I’ve mentioned before. Just another stereotypical creed, human beings have similar emotions, that cultures, preferred topics and dogmas alter in different ways, but definite common expressions of feelings and consequences are retained, that we can all identify with.

Mothers in all cultures have varying degrees of influence- positive and negative – on their sons, nephews and husbands since we’re discussing sons/men. I want to explore conversations expressed in all-male engagements across age groups at times, that cannot go unrecognised as been responsible for certain cultural terminologies that are colloquial snipe-bits of wisdom, like the reference to the ‘Silent old man in ‘E’ chair’, especially in a home dominated by women, more so in a matriarchal setting (I dealt with this cultural/religious difference of the Matriarchal-Patriarchal construct last week). In my experience, women if they are susceptible to comply and act without sifting things out, then they will be invaded and influenced by family and the proverbial drop in ‘friends (especially around lunchtime) group culture’ who always have a sweet story to tell, most of them without men of their own, once allowed they will proceed to advise on the host home, and eke out gossip/advise on what they think the host should have and demand from her male, and if not given how she should act. Because most girls are told men are like that and we’re like this.

A creed is formulated that gives little room for the diversity and common traits among both genders, good and bad. Recently I watched on the News a mother telling the story about her daughter’s stabbing by her husband, this mother stated that they were together as teenagers, he would go abroad and work and return. Then she said that her daughter worked very hard to build ‘Her house’… from this narrative one would extract that this teenage romance into adulthood generated no support from this male over the years if this is not what is implied, then what? Disappointment, as well as one’s own bad experiences by a parent or guardian, should not be inculcated in a young person’s mind as a gender expectation-yardstick, resulting in the narrative of “I got fuh get wha I got fuh get, because he /or she gon do this or that any time.” Here an imported experience sows the seed of mistrust, and an agenda of one, in a relationship of two, which so often in our experience, translates into arson or murder, and in some instances both. The sharing of a past negative encounter is an inner fire that craves expression, it’s natural, and its how our ancestors passed on knowledge as well as stereotypes and group fears. Group fears are also grounded in past experiences and creeds, at times 100 percent embellished. 1975 is the year of even current nightmares when things weren’t going smooth. I was seeking irregular work, mainly on the waterfront, avoiding corner friends with ‘Ideas of how to get paid quick’ I thought that I would stay away from relationships until I fixed my own relationship with my economics. But every resolution has a Demon who challenges its validity, mine came from within, I come from a big family, nuff pickney. Plenty concerned women, mom give birth to twelve, ten are alive, so mainly females would visit my great aunt’s home and enquire about me, like “Who’s Barry girl friend, I ent hear he name calling wid no body, ummp! Hope he ent like duh,[ AC/DC] we family ent got nobody like that in it.” A cousin brought a young lady who she said was admiring me a long time and I never saw her. Under pressure we came together, ‘mo-pressure pon de meagre economy’ I sought some advice from some older men, the advice pointed to me getting help from a ‘Teaspoon Mama” (they call them ‘Cougars’ today) and become a ‘Teaspoon Baba’ the late Prince Farley hooked me up with an Adelaide Street connection. The thing with Teaspoon Mamas is that they like multiple Teaspoon Babas. So I retreated, always had a fear of picking up stripes, wasn’t interested in Lance corporal, corporal or sergeant. ‘I’ and multiple can’t work, I keep low because she threatened to bring ‘9181-police car’ if I didn’t bring back the Clarkes and other gifts my youth had earned, with all Teaspoon Babas, male or female they have a peer partner to share received material blessings with, it’s a fact to this day, only now covens leading to murder have entered the equation, older males with granddaughter age group, will go bad. The essence of it is that all intentions have to be reviewed, understood and measured within the area of consultations with the perceived affected soul.

Flashback to a profound reference that occurred on the East Coast some years ago, when a security guard brought home his service weapon shot his mom, aunt, lit the home afire and then shot himself, too much constant interference by close relatives was the whisper. In 2011 a young man murdered his wife and then went into an exhausting deep sleep with her dead body. Also 2011, a cane cutter killed his wife and almost killed other relatives, he told the police “don’t worry try meh, I do it.” What went wrong, changes in lifestyles, economic values and our family culture in relation to what is now en-vogue have got to be reviewed and adjusted, by both gender groups not competing for blame, because a lot of men die from poisoning too, enough blame to go around, this is an epidemic, and we need solutions, not egos.