Dear Editor,

I WOULD be depressingly disappointed if you have missed the Prolix Prosaic Piece calamity, starring Sir Enrico and the usual classist calamitous villains. This episode of hilarity had the Guyanese audience off their chairs as Sir Enrico, in Bruce Lee fashion and efficiency, dispatched the villains, leaving them in a bloodied, lacerated state, consoling and licking each other’s wounds.

For those who missed it, I am more than happy to bring you up to speed with a synopsis. It all started in 2018 when Nefarious Charrandass Money (NCM) defiled our Parliament Building. Unsurprisingly, this was far from being clinical or cerebral, since the betrayed cassareep defaced the walls of our highest legislature, resulting in early elections and rejections. As a consequence of this, the green& yellows and the blood reds had their election campaigns two days apart. The blood reds were blown away like the 1939 epic historical romance film, ‘Gone with the wind.’ So in typical sore-loser fashion they started to manufacture excuse after excuse. First they argued, rib-tickler fashion, that they were defeated because their launching was low budget, since they spent all their monies on mercury. And the red excuses continued flowing, heavier than a lady’s monthly, that the green and yellows got one hour by Sir Enrico while they had only one minute.

Entered Sir Enrico, the literary contortionist. The Syracuse University and Queen’s College alumnus befuddled the heads of the simpletons with a Shakespearean masterclass of pure linguistic, semantic and gyrotonic articulation as he explicated the alleged one hour vs one minute. After this seminal journalistic piece, there was a brief pause. Then information circulated that Carter Children and folk with an interest in newspaper clippings are in Guyana. The Carter Children, like smelling salts, awoke the villains from their 23 years somnolent state. As a result, a convocation was quickly convened in a quiet room at Freedom House. Top of the agenda was the literary contortionist explication. After some earth-shattering brainstorming, it was decided that the first step was to decipher Sir Enrico’s exposition. For this they sought the service of a specialist who has extensive experience in scrambling and unscrambling.

Entered the ‘Junkie.’ The GT dictionary defines a ‘Junkie’ as one who steals valuables then sells the stolen items to make 100% profit. Being consistent with the before-mentioned definition, this ‘Junkie’ did exactly that. He stole TV signals from America and sold those signals locally, to make 100% profit. So the ‘Junkie,’ now energised by the Freedom House meeting of the less brains and much less brains, tried to engage Sir Enrico about this NCN matter. The literary engagement was compendious and bloodied as Sir Enrico was clearly upset that he was being engaged by someone who he deemed not to be his intellectual equal. In his usual articulate and forthright mannerism, he characterised the ‘Junkie’ as a classist, calumnious and contemptuous bully.

After dispatching the ‘Junkie’ in a black plastic bag, Sir Enrico surveyed the coast. From a distance he observed a silhouette that was shuffling along with a Parkinsonian gait supported by a Dr. Luncheon-type zimmer frame. The gradual, decreasing observatory distance permitted more detailed examination of the figure. The lateral aspect of the now discernible face was obscured by a dishevelled silver fox-type beard which masked an antiquated pair of 19th century John Wayne spectacles. Mysteriously, this body was exhaling feeble puffs of smoke. To that, Sir Enrico reassured all and sundry that it was a geriatric dragon. He then explained that the geriatric dragon’s fire chamber became obsolete in the 1920s, hence the feeble puff of smoke and not the usual bright red blazing conflagration. It was at this point that the kyphotic pulmonary irritating dragon tried to engage Sir Enrico. Sir Enrico, universally known to not suffer fools gladly, informed the by-now coughing dragon that his spelling is obsolete, which would clearly negatively impact on his ability to have a meaningful literary engagement. In the very breath, Sir Enrico instructed the fireless dragon to have a seat in the corner and rehearse the phonic spellings and semantics of Ad hominem, sheer and a 100 other pre-schooler’s words.

Mr. Editor, as a casual observer I am somewhat befuddled by this whole manufactured controversy. Where were these villains when the PPP dominated the airwaves for 23yrs during and after elections? Where are the data of airtime, that they are now demanding for the political parties during those 23yrs? Where were these villains and their associates when Bharrat Jagdeo distributed radio and TV licences to only those associated with the PPP? Including these PPP aligned TV and radio stations, it would mean in absolute numbers that the PPP has the biggest elections coverage of all the political parties. I know some may argue that NCN is state-owned, while those many TV and radio stations that promote only the PPP agenda are not. In my opinion if we are to completely ignore those PPP – aligned media outlets and focus only on NCN, then that would be perpetuating Jagdeo’s unjust distribution of TV and radio licences which are now benefitting the PPP.

To elaborate on my last point, I will use the apartheid system as an example. I must stress, this is not an issue of race. It is a concept that can be aptly used to examine an unjust action and subsequent corrective steps taken to remedy the resulting unfair advantage. During the apartheid system blacks were denied basic infrastructure and financial support to develop themselves and their communities. As a result, the whites dominated all aspects of South Africa since they had an unfair advantage. When the apartheid system ended, say blacks were given $10 to develop themselves and their communities and whites were equally given $10, do you think blacks will ever catch up with the whites? No! The fact is the whites had decades of an unfair advantage. As a result, South Africa introduced what in Europe is called positive action. The one best known is the quota system for their cricket team, where by law a mandatory minimum number of blacks must be in the cricket team. It is this quota system which produced excellent players such as Hashim Amla, Makhaya Ntini et al. This was probably the best way South Africa as a country could have addressed the decades of unfair advantage the whites enjoyed.

It is clear that Kit Nascimento and Tony Vieira are not the two smartest kids in the class. If they were, they would have thought through the entire process and not just focus on NCN. In one of his missives, Mr. Woolford described them as classist. I concur with Mr. Woolford, but I have another theory. In my opinion, apart from being classist, I do believe with strong reasons to think so, that they were superficial in their thinking and analysing. It is clear that they gained success only because of the system of colourism in Guyana rather than academic ability. A typical example of the limited academic ability of Tony Vieira was evident when he inexplicably presented, clearly biased comments, from Stabroek News commenters but failed to recognise and acknowledge the limitations of a clearly unscientific poll. If the PPP and their mouthpieces are serious about justice and redress, then it is imperative that a conversation be had on those unfair TV and radio licences distribution by the PPP. After that conversation we can have redress in terms of equitable distribution of those PPP licences not dissimilar to the South Africa positive action system, but on a smaller scale. Then and only then can the PPP and their associates have the moral authority to comment on NCN coverages, which in my opinion is fair. It is morally wrong to argue about what you may perceive as an unjust act against you, when there is clearly an unjust antecedent act perpetrated by you against your accusers which is unresolved.

In concluding, last year Kit Nascimento had an exacerbation of oral proliferations and I instructed him to take the corner and be quiet, but if he did develop the anxiety-provoking pressing need to talk, then he can alleviate that anxiety by reciting the alphabet. Because of his insubordination, Kit has now had the public humiliation of being taken through a hooked-on-phonics teaching class to improve his pre-schooler level spelling. Notwithstanding his prior recalcitrant behaviours, I will once again instruct both Tony and Kit to take the dullard corner. If either has a compulsive need to talk, then I would strongly recommend that they be reminded that there are dangerous literary assassins lurking out there.

Regards

Dr. Mark Devonish MBBS MSc