IF you are a father, ask yourself this question and give an honest answer: do you feel as if you are a good enough role model who is setting a reasonable example for your child to follow? If you answered yes to the question, remember there is always room for improvement, so stay focused as your child develops so you can make any necessary adjustment. If you answered no to the above question, then at least you’ve taken the first step in your ability to change that fact, by acknowledging that there is a problem that you need to take in hand.
If you are a young father (18 – 25 years old), remember that fatherhood is a big responsibility: some men live their entire lives without understanding what the role entails. They set negative examples for children by drinking excessive alcohol and becoming belligerent, or by using recreational drugs in front of them as if such behaviour is normal. Some men curse, cuss and lack self-control, decorum and shame, all in earshot and/or in full view of their children. They do this without a thought of how their behaviour will impact on their children’s psychological/ emotional growth and their sense of well-being.
Once children have lived through an undesirable or distasteful experience it will make an indelible mark on their development. It may not be something as obvious as a change in their behaviour or eating habits, but the impression, regardless of how minor it may seem at the time, will make an impact. This is why fathers must portray the same attributes they would like to see in their children: thoughtfulness, honesty, fair play, compassion, affection, and patience to name a few. Even when you are angry and fuming, you should exercise a certain amount of self-control around children; they need to know that there are positive (and negative) ways to deal with problems that life throws at you
A disgruntled father whose ‘baby mother’ left him for several valid reasons, was bitter about the break-up to the extent where he would wake his two children (aged eight and nine years old) at 2 a.m. He did this to tell them about their mother; not nice things, however. He proceeded to curse her name loudly to the bleary-eyed youths while accusing her of doing all manner of things from ‘obeah’ to ‘picking fare.’ So loud were his rants and ravings that neighbours had to complain before he eventually ceased.
There is no doubt that these ‘episodes’ have affected the children deeply, although it may not be immediately apparent. No child likes to see either of their parents in a negative light and how the son will eventually view his mother as he enters adolescence (and his overall view on women) could be affected greatly by his father’s thoughtless behaviour.
His sister’s view of how men should behave towards women and what to expect from a man in a relationship may also be tarnished by the examples set by her father. There is no turning back or trying to undo what has already been done; the ‘die’ has been cast and the children will bear the consequences of their experience.
Some fathers don’t know how to be a father because they have never experienced a father’s love, guidance or protection during their upbringing and so they disregard the importance of fatherhood. Others flit about from one relationship to the next, making children with different women; they leave the onus of child-rearing on the mothers, never taking a serious stand or playing a crucial role in raising their children.
They have an attitude that implies, if a child looks happy, tidy and well-fed; then he or she is good to go. They fail to see that a child has various needs that both parents should provide for and that joint parental input is necessary to enable a child’s healthy growth and development.
Maybe you are a young father who inadvertently fell into fatherhood because your girlfriend became pregnant and you are not interested in being a father; or you are interested but still finding your feet. Either way, do not underestimate the importance of your role in your child’s life. Some grown men do not take the responsibility of fatherhood seriously and they behave like grown boys rather than men with a purpose to fulfil.
Becoming a father means you need to clean up your act. You need to provide for your child physically, financially, emotionally and morally for the next 18 years or more. Every man should work towards being a positive rather than a negative example in their child’s life.
If you are concerned about the welfare of a child call the CPA hotline on 227 0979 or write to us at childcaregy@gmail.com
A MESSAGE FROM THE CHILDCARE AND PROTECTION AGENCY, MINISTRY OF SOCIAL PROTECTION
