GUYANESE are well aware of the fact that gender-based abuse against women is a major problem in our country. Also, persons, particularly those in urban communities, will have noticed the proliferation of music, comments by DJs and other public, predominantly male figures that are nothing short of vulgar. The relationship between those two issues, though well established, may be less obvious.

The crass, distasteful noise that passes for entertainment in some mini-buses is of particular note. Passengers, including children, are bombarded with the most obnoxious lyrics imaginable, and, inexplicably, some people appear to enjoy it. Many advertisements for parties and other money-making ventures on the social and mainstream media fall within a similar category.

Such gatherings are increasingly being marketed under more and more indecent themes; It appears as though the authors and promoters of such events are trying to outdo each other in a perverse competition to present the most obscene content imaginable. The fact that the majority of Guyanese remain silent as our society’s values are eroded is more than unfortunate. And the undeniable truth that increasing numbers of our youth are now joining the ranks of the ‘uncultured’ is even more saddening. Perhaps, most disheartening of all is the fact that the overwhelming mass of objectionable music, advertisements, and utterances by “popular” personalities are directly, and unabashedly directed against women, or, are otherwise demeaning and contemptuous towards females, and downright disrespectful. Inexplicably, many women — particularly younger Guyanese — seem to simply love it. Unbelievable!

It is generally accepted by experts that gender-based abuse, most frequently directed against women, originate with disrespect for the female gender. American researcher, Dr. Justin Coulson, a father of six daughters, the author of ’21 Days to a Happier Family’ and the holder of a PhD in psychology, posits that there is a direct relationship between disrespect for women, which often begins in youth, and violence. Dr. Coulson wrote, “Domestic and family violence are increasingly being recognised as a problem in our communities, and awareness is increasing – which is good.

But we still have a long way to go. But what is poorly understood is the hidden signals and messages that appear in our words and conversations around gender and respect, and expectations for what is appropriate or inappropriate behaviour for girls and boys. As parents and adults, we must pause and ask ourselves whether the things we say to our kids (or the things that teachers, or coaches or community leaders say) could be influencing the way they see relationships?”
It is understood too, that for persons, including women, to be respected by others, they must first respect themselves. Two thinkers expressed it as follows: Confucius said, “Respect yourself and others will respect you.” Dostoevsky said, “If you want to be respected by others, the great thing is to respect yourself. Only by that, only by self-respect will you compel others to respect you.”

The line of reasoning is clear, a person must respect himself or, in this particular case, herself, first. The result will be that respect will be earned from others. If that course of action is not taken, the inevitable outcome is disrespect, dysfunctional relationships, and, probably, domestic abuse including the possibility of violence. President Granger, himself a father of two daughters, recognises the problem; in 2018 he said, “We need to deal with this problem of violence against girls and women. It is not easy. It is not just sexual violence, it is physical violence as well. It is chopping and killing, murder…It is the daily subjugation and suppression of women…”

When we accept the undeniable postulate that lack of self-respect is a major cause of gender-based abuse, the solution to the problem becomes obvious, though no easier to implement. Relationships researcher, Laura Forting wrote, “Many things go into gaining respect from a man. Men respect the women they love. Most men do not love women they cannot respect. The definition of respect in Merriam Webster’s dictionary is to consider worthy of high or special regard.” In her widely cited article, ‘What Makes a Man Respect a Woman,’ the expert gives advice to her fellow women. She states that, in order to earn the respect of others, women should respect themselves, be truthful and authentic, set boundaries, and respect others. Other scientists have emphasised the need for self-confidence, firmness, a sense of responsibility, and the nurturing of a culture of self-assurance. One can hardly argue against such advice.

While it must be stated, unequivocally, that under no circumstance is abuse or other forms of violence acceptable, including against women, it must be underscored too that women, as well as men, have parts to play in fostering healthy, meaningful, and rewarding relationships. And, playing into a decadent, indecent, and immoral culture is certainly not the way to earn respect. One can easily imagine that the same young girls who are today revelling in immoral conduct, and frolicking in the indecent atmospheres of less-reputable forms of entertainment, may probably be the women who, tomorrow, could be the victims of abuse because their sense of self-worth would have been distorted from an early age.

Having identified a problem, it is up to society to take action. Publications such as this one, other media outlets, parents, family members, students, teachers, faith-based leaders, organisations, clubs, the police, and government officials all have a part to play. Our sons and daughters must be taught to respect themselves and others, and social institutions must reinforce those lessons. The question is: will we, collectively, take appropriate and timely action?