ALTHOUGH lying is not a social norm, experts insist that it is a typical part of growing up, and is developmentally normal. This does not mean that it should be encouraged or overlooked. Neither does it mean that adults should chide their children to the point of shame, or beat them to stop them from lying. But it is important that parents recognise the reasons why children lie, and deal with them accordingly.

Children usually learn to tell lies between the ages of two to four years old. At this stage, they are increasingly becoming aware of the world and the people around them. As they interact with their family members and peers, they realise that people have different feelings and thoughts. So if a child says, ‘Mummy said I can have two biscuits,’ when mummy said nothing of the sort, the child is merely using his/her growing awareness of how other people think to plant a falsehood.

In this instance, although it is something that should not be endorsed, an adult can see that the child is ‘making something up’. Young children tend to do this a lot, because much of their world is still fantasy. And, let’s face it! Adults lead them to believe in characters such as the Baccoo, Father Christmas, the Tooth Fairy, Ole Higue and ‘Super Heroes’.
At this age, the lies children tell lack depth and sophistication. A child may have chocolate all over his/her hands and face, and still deny ever touching the chocolate cake that has a big piece missing.

Adults can deal with these types of lies by speaking to the child appropriately. For example, the adult can talk through the event with the child, and help the child to understand that the evidence is compelling, and it is always best to tell it like it is; to be honest and own up to what (s)he has done, regardless of what the (child’s presumed) outcome may be.
Although it is a cultural thing in Guyana, adults do not always have to speak about ‘licks’ and bring beating into the equation. Children are impressionable, and adults should have at least an average understanding of how to interact with them in order to bring about a favourable result.

As children get older, they develop the art of telling lies that are believable, along with learning how to maintain ‘the lie’ over a period of time. Many an adult has been fooled by a child who has given them a ‘Br’er Nancy story’ that was quite credible. In addition, children grow in a contrary world where adults consistently bend the truth themselves, and then ‘shush’ children or tell them to ‘shut up’ for being too honest.

Children are further influenced to tell lies through TV shows, even some cartoons, which have plots where lies and deceitful behaviour tend to have very little consequences. In situation comedies (sitcoms), lies are laughed at rather than highlighted as unsuitable. This is why adults need to help children develop a moral compass.

Children need to feel good about telling the truth, because it is the right thing to do. Help them to understand when lies are most harmful, and the effect their lies can have on others, as well as the negative feeling they themselves will encounter when they lie. Emphasize the importance of being truthful and honest in all situations. Adults can also point out examples of honesty in books, stories and movies.

Pre-adolescents and teenagers usually lie to get themselves out of trouble and sticky situations (just like adults). It is common knowledge that children emulate their parents, so there’s no point in a parent trying to teach honesty if the child has grown up witnessing his/her parent consistently telling lies. Adults must always be mindful of what they say in front of their children. Children learn from the best.

Adults need to be alert and vigilant to ensure that the lies young people tell do not lead them into ‘unknown waters’ and danger. Young people, therefore, must always be reachable by phone, and there should be no room for excuses, which we all know, technically, are really lies. I.e. my phone accidently got switched to airplane mode: My battery ran out; my phone was in the bottom of my bag; the music on the minibus was so loud I didn’t hear my phone ringing.

When any child, regardless of age, talks about being touched inappropriately, or of being sexually abused, they should always be believed and taken seriously. A report should be made to the Childcare and Protection Agency (CPA), so an investigation can be carried out. This is mandatory by law. Children seldom make up stories of sexual activity or abuse where none exists.

Adults should aim to highlight the positive aspects of truth-telling, and praise children for telling the truth, so they can develop a sense of pride for doing the same.
If you are concerned about the welfare of a child, you can ring the CPA hotline: 227 0979 or email childcaregy@gmail.com
A MESSAGE FROM THE CHILDCARE AND PROTECTION AGENCY, MINISTRY OF SOCIAL PROTECTION