THE most effective strategy there is, when it comes to parents preventing child abuse, is communication. Parents need to talk to their children every day to learn as much as they can about their child’s daily activities: their feelings, concerns or problems. Adults must listen to their children with open minds: they must not be judgemental or keep interrupting the child’s flow as he/she speaks.

At an appropriate point, the parent can ask questions or even enquire of the child how he/she feels about anything that might have raised a ‘red flag’ for the parent. This way, parents can gauge how the child copes with and analyses, the things that affect the child and the events that take place in the world around him/her: and where necessary, the parent can guide the child in the right direction.

Guiding children in the right direction does not necessarily mean just giving them good advice and information. Parents can lay out a set of circumstances in such a way that the child uses his/her analytical skills to work out the correct way to deal with the situation with very little adult input. Guidance can therefore be something as simple as pointing out the salient facts and allowing a child’s problem-solving skills to do the rest. (An occasional nod of agreement from an adult wouldn’t hurt though).

This is a parenting skill that encourages children to confide in their parents rather than their peers. It also allows children to find and fashion their own techniques when dealing with problems and making decisions. These are skills they will no doubt need throughout their lives.

Many parents do not care about how their children perceive the world around them or the events they may witness. In fact, the parents themselves sometimes, are very poor examples from which children are meant to learn. In these cases, children are left to form their own interpretations and opinions without any parental discussion, guidance or intervention: and day-to-day activities (be they negative or positive) are never dealt with, questioned or evaluated.

This type of upbringing can be a prelude to children becoming wayward teenagers, delinquents and/or participants in early sexual activity. It is important for parents to know ‘what’ and ‘how’ their children are thinking, especially if they wish to keep their children safe from sexual abuse and ensure that their children have, at the very least, a fair idea of how to react, in any untoward situation.

However, children will not speak openly with adults if they feel that they will either get into trouble, or upset their parent in some way. If a child feels that the adult is not really concerned about him/her and only pretends to be listening, eventually the child will desist from telling the adult anything of substance; this, despite the fact that it is very important that young people have a reliable ‘sounding board’: someone they can confide in, rely on and trust.

Asking questions and getting other people’s opinions is normal for developing children, so parents should be prepared to answer their off-spring in an age-appropriate way. Sometimes parents are afraid that their child may either ask a question that they find personally embarrassing, or raise a subject that they are ill-equipped to answer. If this happens, it is better to find some space between the question and your answer. All you have to say is something like, ‘That’s a very good question…I think I will have to get back to you on that one.’

This will give the parent a little time to do some research and/or to find some choice words to use when explaining the answer to the question. Social workers at the Childcare and Protection Agency (CPA), Ministry of Social Protection, could also help parents with tips on how to give applicable answers to questions. But don’t leave it too long, or pretend that you have forgotten about the question, because you can be sure that the child has not forgotten and is awaiting your reply. Keep the interactions going between adult and child by all means possible.

It really is a parent’s responsibility to keep the lines of communication open. At some point, children will need to be told, that there are predators out there that appear normal, but who might want to hurt them or make them do things that are not right or may feel uncomfortable. The predator could be someone they trust, such as a coach, an uncle, an aunt, a religious person, a baby sitter or just about anyone, as child abusers come in different guises.

Whatever you tell your child, it needs to be effective and it can only be so if the communication between adult and child is good, or at the very least, is a work in progress.