TODAY on 4 minutes 4 change we are giving members of the public a chance to share their views. We asked the question: How would you feel if you discovered that while your 17- year- old daughter was doing her homework online, she has also been chatting with a boy?
Parent number one, a mother of three, said: I would be very disappointed…I think I have raised her better. If she is doing her homework, fine, and if she has a friend, let me know… she should not be on the computer…and I don’t know anything about this friend she’s “gaffing” with…the times we are living in? You can’t afford to have your children talking with strangers, you need to know who these people are. Because we find that children are being lured by strangers and I spoke to her about that… so for her to do that I would be very disappointed.

We would need to work on our relationship because for this to happen there must be some kind of breakdown…for her not to come to me and say ‘Mummy, I have this friend that I’m talking to…’ I would be disappointed with both myself and her. Well you are allowed to have friends, but let me know who these friends are, not just chatting with somebody, it could be anybody, it could be a killer for all we know.

Parent number two is a father of three adult children. At the age of five, I sent my daughter to pick a cherry and I said to her, ‘you are like a cherry and one day someone will want to pick you… if your uncle, brother, ‘father’ or anyone touches you inappropriately, you are to report the matter immediately. When you become of age and you so desire a husband, I will look for one for you; or if you see one that you like, you could bring him home to me.’ So when she was older and started going to this cyber café, a man was trying to get into her head and one day she came to me and said, ‘Daddy, just imagine on the internet a big strong man asking, if I want to see his penis.’ She told me this because we established our relationship at a tender age, so talking to a boy or man there is no problem, once a child has been taught in the right way they will talk to you and you can guide them.

Parent number three is a younger father of a teenage daughter. I would be disappointed because if she is doing her homework, I expect her to be doing her homework, but at the same time I would like to know the nature of the conversation she is having, who she is talking with and what they are talking about, because, you know, it could mean it’s someone who is assisting in the homework or it could mean that she is being ‘groomed’ or being approached… if it’s anything sexual or she’s being groomed, I would take the matter to the full extent of the law… to deal with that…

A 14-year- old girl said: If I were a parent and I tell my daughter to do her homework and she’s on line talking to a boy, well I would feel bad and give her two lashes and ground her, because I tell her to do her homework and she is o line doing her own thing. On the other hand, if it were me and my parents ground me for that, when they gone out I would still go online, I tell you the truth; I would go on line and put everything back as I found it, so when they come, they wouldn’t know.

A senior professional officer (CPA): I wouldn’t be shocked, because I am in a position where I know that young people are thinking about sex, they are thinking about relationships and hooking up. So if I discover that, right away, I will have to remind her that there is time for certain things and this is the time for her books: it’s not time yet for boys, that will come later. I wouldn’t punish her because it’s not what you do ‘to’ a child, it’s what you do ‘for’ the child and at the age of 17 it calls for conversation, to get her to realise that what she is doing is at the expense of her education…She is fooling herself, if she’s pretending to do her homework while talking to a boy on line, because when her results come and she sees she did not get good grades, she has to remember that she failed to prepare.

Parents can find different strategies to deal with adolescent children while acknowledging that these children are also fast becoming adults. Teenagers can be trying: pushing boundaries and behaving quite out of character at times, but with a firm word said in the right tone at the right time, parents can get worthwhile results.

If you are concerned about the welfare of a child call the Childcare and Protection Agency Hotline on 227 0979 or write to us at childcaregy@gmail.com

A MESSAGE FROM THE CHILDCARE AND PROTECTION AGENCY, MINISTRY OF SOCIAL PROTECTION