WHEN children tell lies, parents usually get very upset, even if the parents tend to tell lies themselves in front of their children. ‘Lying’ falls under the classic adult rule of: ‘Do as I say and not as I do.’ Children usually lie for one of four reasons. Reason number one: they do not want to get into trouble, so they attempt to ‘cover up’ whatever they’ve done with a lie. Reason number two: they lie to evoke some type of response from their parents: if they are feeling neglected, a lie might just do the trick to make them the centre of attention. Reason number three: children sometimes lie to make their story sound better or to make them sound better in a story,(adults tend to do this often). Reason number four: children tell lies to deliberately mislead their parents, usually because they are aware of how their parent(s) will behave if they were to tell the truth.

Children are not born with the instinct to tell lies, it is not a natural trait; but around the age of three when they are interacting verbally, they usually realise that adults can’t always tell whether they are telling the truth, so they can say things that aren’t true without adults knowing.

Children learn to perfect their ‘lie- telling skills’ as they get older by adding facial expressions, body language and by altering the tones of their voices to suit. As they develop, children grow increasingly aware of how people think and what kind of responses and reactions to expect from others (and their parents). They are therefore able to adjust their mannerisms, words and occasional ‘lies’ to work in their best interest. It is a fact that by the age of eight, children are able to lie without getting caught out.
If parents are astute they will realise when children are trying to pull a ‘fast one’ and would question them and get them to explain themselves. This usually results in children being exposed by their vigilant, thorough parents or ‘coming clean’ and owning up to telling lies.
Parents should explain to children the importance of telling the truth as soon as they are old enough to understand the difference. They should support and encourage their children to tell the truth naturally, without fear of the consequences. Above all, in order to get the best out of children, adults should not tell lies, especially in front of their children, or to their children. Children distrust and disrespect adults who lie to them, even though the adult may not be aware of the fact and the disrespect and distrust may not be apparent while the child is young. But as children grow, they work out truth from lies, even if their parents are bad examples. If you are a parent, a guardian or childcare worker, it is your responsibility to emphasise the importance of honesty in your family or work setting. You can do this by praising children for their honesty. You can say things like, ‘I am glad you owned up and told the truth.’

You must avoid calling or labelling children, ‘liars’. To label a child with any negative title is harmful to their self-esteem and their social/emotional development. A child who is constantly called a liar might tell even more lies, believing that there is no point in telling the truth, if everyone thinks he/she is a liar. When a child tells a lie, adults should explain how sad and disappointed they feel about the lie and children must be made aware that there are consequences for their actions if they persist with unacceptable behaviour. On the other hand, sometimes it is useful to do a little detective work, depending on the circumstances, to find out the reason behind the lie.

It is up to adults to teach children the difference between using their imagination to tell a story and telling lies. It is good to encourage a child’s imagination; but the difference needs to be pointed out, so bad habits are not formed while the child is young. With clear rules and boundaries from adults and with the knowledge that there are consequences to unacceptable behaviour, a mutual understanding between children and their carers should exist in their households, their care settings and/or their schools.

If you are concerned about the welfare of a child you can ring the CPA hotline on 227 0979 or email childcaregy@gmail.com

A Message from the Childcare and Protection Agency, Ministry of Social Protection