(Please note the word ‘victim’ is used in this article for descriptive purposes only. There are many ‘survivors’ of sexual abuse.)

When someone forces himself upon you sexually, it can be a harrowing and traumatic experience. It doesn’t matter if you are a man or a woman, a boy or a girl, it is an invasion of your body, your privacy and an act against your will. Even if you manage to fight the perpetrator off, you may still have flash-backs or anxiety attacks, every time you remember the incident and what could have happened if you did not manage to get away.
To feel powerless in any situation is bad enough without the added bestial act of sexual molestation being performed upon you by a low-life, selfish individual, who does not care about you or the way you think or feel, but whose ultimate sole purpose is self-gratification.

After the awful act of sexual abuse, each victim is left to pick up the pieces and sort out his/her life, from that moment on. One thing is for sure: they will never think, feel or have the same outlook on their future, like they had, before it happened.

Sexual abuse can interfere with a child’s feelings and attitude towards sexuality: their developmental growth in this area may become inappropriate and dysfunctional as a result of the abuse. This happens because the child has been involved in sexual activity that is unsuitable to his/her level of development; in some cases, the child is even made to feel, that she/he is to be blamed or is a co-conspirator in the act; this brings feelings of anxiety, guilt and the need for added secrecy into the equation.

As an abused child grows, his/her intellectual development and their emotional outlook on the world can become distorted; this can affect their ability to achieve academically and socially, because they have little sense of their own value and worth. Being sexually abused can also make them feel powerless about taking control of their lives and their future.
Sexual abuse changes the victim: it is a unique type of trauma that has a way of seeping into the very essence of the victim’s being and affecting them in negative ways. Of course, the ordinary person cannot see this and may tend to advise the victim, ‘just forget about what happened and get on with your life’. But for the victim, it is not that simple.

Psychologically, they need to be counselled, even if they do not realise it at the time (or in years to come): they need to talk about what happened, how it happened and let it all out. Only then can they ‘look’ at the event(s) and begin to understand clearly, what occurred and the reasons why. Victims of sexual abuse need to heal and healing begins once things are discussed and examined professionally, with the victim at his/her own pace.

Covering up sexual abuse because of shame or to protect the perpetrator is a big mistake that always has repercussions in the long run. Families who do this tend to raise damaged children into adults who have their own ‘set of problems’ (i.e. low self-esteem and self-worth; promiscuity; early and multiple pregnancies; inability to make and keep friends or partners) as a result of how the abuse was dealt with at the time.

When little children are sexually abused (if there are no physical scars as a result), there is always the hope that the child might not remember the ordeal or that he/she might continue to develop, unaware of what had happened to them. But there is usually some type of unpleasant unspoken recollection of the incident that hangs over the child and the family. While children under five may have a sketchy memory, incidents of trauma, especially sexual trauma, will stand out.

As adults we must do all we can to protect both boy and girlchildren from being sexually abused. Don’t think, ’that could never happen to my child’. Do not leave children in vulnerable situations; do not rely on anyone to look after them unless it is absolutely necessary; teach children how to protect themselves and how to say ‘NO!’ if someone tries to touch them inappropriately; get them ‘clued in’. Above all, do not dismiss sexual abuse as ‘just an unfortunate incident’ it is a heinous, deliberate act that can have a detrimental impact on a victim’s entire life. If you need to speak to a social worker in confidence about sexual abuse, call the Childcare and Protection Agency on 227 4082 and ask to make an appointment.

If you are concerned about the welfare of a child call the CPA hotline on 227 0979 or write to us at childcaregy@gmail.com

A MESSAGE FROM THE CHILDCARE AND PROTECTION AGENCY, MINISTRY OF SOCIAL PROTECTION