By Francis Quamina Farrier

A PREGNANT woman goes into labour. She delivers a baby or two; sometimes three or four, and on very rare occasions even five or six. The latter usually attracts hordes of media reporters as was the principal plot of the prize-winning play “Miriamy” by Frank Pilgrim. However, what is never discussed, be it of a single baby or more, is the afterbirth which is extracted after the birth of the child or children.

A mother of two told me that there is some pain with the extraction of the afterbirth. In movies and documentaries, they would show the delivery and the jubilation that follows after the arrival of the baby/babies, but never anything about the afterbirth.

Somehow, just after the recent Father’s Day, I got to thinking about that and asked a number of mothers about that important but totally ignored aspect of babies coming into the world.

Although the title of this feature article is about “afterbirth”, the deeper focus is on the role of mothers in the upbringing of their young boy children. I am wondering why there is no focus on the role of mothers in helping to shape the minds of their male children from a very early age ? I pose that question because of the role my own mother, Stella, did in shaping the minds of her children as regards interpersonal violence.

We know that at Christmas time, young girls are usually given dolls as gifts, while many young boys are given guns. Let’s think about that. In more recent years, toy guns have been manufactured to look like real guns and that could be the cause of injury and even death of a youngster while playing with one, since some policemen, we have to admit, are over aggressive in their task of policing.

Father’s Day 2018 is now gone, and whatever was done or not done will remain history. I am very pleased to say that from the feedback which I have received to date, that there was a dramatic turnaround from recent years, when the day was being misused for merciless male bashing by some otherwise nice folks.

Father’s Day became the day on which the good fathers were totally ignored by many influential individuals. In fact, the good fathers were treated as though they are invisible. Nothing was mentioned about their role as good fathers by those who have the opportunity and privilege to address large audiences on Father’s Day. These good fathers were for the better part, the products of good mothers, like my own mother Stella, who instilled moral values into her sons from a very young age.

I have always wondered why it is that those who pontificate about domestic violence, never take the journey back in time to when those men who brutalise women, were young boys who were tutored by mothers like my mommy, Stella. There is usually lots of talk about the absentee fathers.

That certainly is one of the causes, but mothers can have a great influence on the way their young sons treat girls and women when they become men.
So here we are with Father’s Day 2018 behind us, and now to deal with the serious problem of absentee fathers and all the other horrible misdeeds by delinquent men who have fathered children.

But I submit that it should be done with the objective of finding solutions, not just to gawk in tactics which really is not the way to end this scourge in our society. There are now over 300 days at our disposal before Father’s Day 2019 rolls around. This is the afterbirth referred to in the headline of this feature article. So let’s commence the conversation. Let’s start by throwing the spotlight on mothers of young boys.

Some of you may know of the American pop group which has the name “Boyz ll Men”, (Boys to Men) and that’s exactly where I invite you to commence this afterbirth conversation; to find out what road the boys of yesteryear took to arrive at the men who they are now. Men were not born adults; they were boys for many years and were influenced by the society in which they grew up. What role did their mothers play? (We hear quite a lot of the role which absentee fathers DO NOT play).

That has brought me to the saying, “The hand that rocks the cradle, rules the world”, which is in reference to the power of mothers in shaping the morals of their growing sons – and daughters as well. As we continue this conversation (one-sided, so far) I am obliged to say something about my own dear mother, Stella, and how she influenced her children not to be physical abusers or victims of domestic abuse. What is pellucidly clear is that there is no focus on what is known as, “bend the tree while it is young”, in Guyana’s national efforts to reduce and end domestic violence.

There needs to be a time frame and programme to make domestic violence greatly reduced in our country; let’s say by the year 2038.

So let the conversation continue. Please have your say. I would welcome all comments about this burning issue of domestic violence and how mothers can be educated on how to train their young boy children not to be abusers.

I start by recommending my Mommy Stella’s Blue Book on mothering. Please contact me on my email fquaminaf@hotmail.com. Let’s examine the Father’s Day afterbirth and what we could do with it scientifically.