Sage advice from a single father

FATHER’S Day can be a difficult holiday for divorced dads who are among millions of men around the world who miss out on what is widely believed to be the ‘authentic family structure.’

Nonetheless, these situations still exist and in a sit-down interview with the Pepperpot Magazine, father of three, Kunta Waddell told of how he makes the very best out of such a situation simply by putting his children first.

Kunta is a Geography and Physical Education teacher at the Mae’s Academy and has been teaching for some 22 years now, a profession he describes as his passion.

He also serves as the school’s Sports Coordinator, Prefect Committee Coordinator and operates the Primary level Pee-wee Football Club.
He is the father of two boys, Jaden and Micah, age 15 and 10 and one girl, Ashley, age 13.

Telling of how he and his former spouse became separated, he said: “Things did not work out, we both wanted different things and so we went our separate ways.”
However, Kunta believes that even in the event of separate parenting, adults should be able to put aside their differences for the sake of their children.

“It’s sad when it comes to that, in terms of separation between parents, and kids are in the middle of that struggle but it would be good if everybody could just put aside their selfish differences and work towards the betterment of the children because that is where your focus should be,” he said. “Two people could be separated and they could still communicate for the sake of their children.

As long as you put that selfishness aside- whatever animosity, resentment or bitterness- and you try to work towards your children, you can cultivate a healthy family relationship with the kids even though you’re living separate lives.”

LEGAL AMENDMENTS
To help with the disconnect, experienced in some situations, he recommends changes to the legal system which would see separated parents spending more time with their children.

“For me, ‘enough time’ spent with them [his children] would be every single day. But that is not happening and it is not a possibility right now,” he explained. “One of the things I would like to see is, rather than striving for separation, [law authorities] should strive for commonality whereby kids would be able to spend equal time with mom and dad in the case of a separation, rather than a case where children are just snatched away and given holistically to one person as sole custody bearer.

There is no man who is more lonely than a man who is accustomed to being bombarded by the noise of his children and then all of a sudden that goes away.”

GOOD TIMES
Kunta recounted one of the best moments he shared with his children as a period where he hadn’t seen them in a while, but when they visited he impressed them with his cooking skills by allowing them to pick out the weekend’s menu which consisted of their favourite dishes.

“That was pleasurable. I can’t manufacture that moment or remanufacture it,” he told the Pepperpot Magazine.
He describes his son, Jaden, as tremendously smart, having a knack for excelling in several sports, while his daughter, Ashley, he says, is compassionate, loving and a very critical thinker for her age.

The youngest, Micah, is described as a perfectionist with a dedication to doing things thoroughly, leaving very little room for mistakes.

“They all have different personalities and sometimes it scares me when I see so much of me in them; the eloquence, the sarcasm, the playfulness, the humour and then, they all have that quiet side. I don’t know if that comes from me or if it comes from their mom, but their mom is a lot quieter and more reserved than I am,” he said.

PERSONAL EXPERIENCE
Kunta grew up without a father but revealed that several father-figures in his life played a role in his development, which is why he now believes that the roles of mothers and fathers should not be conflicted.

“I know that there are single-parent moms out there and I feel for them. I know that there are single- parent fathers out there, I feel for them. But a father cannot be a mother to a child and a mother cannot be a father to a child.

“While a mother might be able to raise a child in the right ways, it is a man’s trial to teach his children, especially his sons, how to be a man. And, it is the man’s place to ensure that the first set of affection that his daughter realises comes from him,” Kunta said.

Even though he describes himself as a “stickler for discipline”, Kunta says that through sports he is also able to reach students in need of mentorship, which further solidifies his belief that he has found his true passion: teaching.

GUYANESE MEN
One lesson he wants Guyanese men to understand is that when situations which can lead to violence arise, especially against women, they can take the high road by choosing to walk away instead of retaliating.

“I would like to appeal to men to learn to lose. You don’t have to resort to violence, you don’t have to resort to killing someone in order to vent your hurt. You can talk or you can move on and heal in silence. Choose those paths, because when all is said and done, all that is left after what you would have done are scarred people and a scarred nation,” he said.

Apart from disseminating knowledge, Kunta reserves his passion for sports, adventure, writing and reading.
Speaking of his children, he told the magazine: “The best part of being a father is getting a chance to see yourself being imprinted in them in some ways and also seeing that there are differences between you and them.

“It’s not just about indoctrinating them or trying to make them become like you…you don’t have to force them to be something. You just live your life and you allow them to them to make those choices.”