Helping children to cope with difficult situations

A MOTHER is talking to her three-year-old son, ‘So Jason upset you?’ she asks ‘I bet that made you feel sad.’ She goes to her child and puts her arm around him. ‘It’s okay to feel sad sometimes. When I felt sad as a child I used to tell myself, tomorrow I will feel better over and over again and it always worked.’ Helping children to express what they are feeling and teaching them how to deal with it, is an important part of parenthood.
There is a vast array of emotions that we experience in life and it is a healthy approach to identify the negative ones and learn how to cope with them, Instead of allowing them to fester and become problems. When this happens it can affect our learning, our thinking and our decision-making process. Teaching children how to cope with different emotions will help them deal with people and the many varied situations that they will encounter throughout their lives.

Childhood is where the majority of our feelings are formed and childhood shapes us into the adults we become. So if as a child you were not encouraged to express your thoughts or opinion, the chances are as an adult you may still carry around those unexpressed and suppressed emotions. And when you do have an outburst or ‘melt down’ it is not just relevant to your current situation, but involves your subdued childhood emotions and all the pent-up frustration you were unable to offload as a child.

Helping children to recognise their emotions or feelings is a good thing. It is perfectly alright for a child to be angry, annoyed, disappointed, and frustrated, as it is for them to be sad, lonely, fed-up, scared, surprised or embarrassed. Learning how to deal with their emotions is where parenting comes in. For example, (negative emotions) when a child is angry or frustrated instead of hiding their feelings or going to the opposite extreme of having a ‘tantrum’ they should be allowed to acknowledge, ‘ ‘Whoa! I am really disappointed’… and then a coping technique…’well, maybe it will be different next time’ or ‘I feel frustrated’…and then a coping technique …’but I can handle this…I’m going to take a deep breath and count to 10’. Adults should teach children that accepting the way they feel and directing it towards a positive outlet eases stress and brings about peace of mind.
Many grown-ups need to learn this too, because so many have their own issues; sometimes they don’t even know why they have particular issues. They seldom sit down

and do a self-analysis of what they are feeling and why: they never explore the root cause of what makes them feel (or sometimes act) the way they do. By helping their children they can help themselves to be more ‘in touch’ and honest about the emotions they experience. Adults too can find ways to cope by recognising and expressing their emotions or by putting them into perspective rather than wallowing in them.
In every game there is a winner and a loser, but some adults are really ‘bad’ losers and they encourage their children to adopt the same attitude. They allow their emotions to get the better of them and they will find a reason why they should have won and accusations about unfairness and favouritism are usually in the mix. A good loser — although disappointed — is humble he/she accepts the result in the spirit of the game and will even offer sincere congratulations to the winning side.

When we teach our children to ‘acknowledge their feelings’ and ‘learn how to cope with them,’ we are teaching the ‘adult’ inside them to desist from lashing out senselessly at someone verbally or physically, we are teaching them how to prioritise the important things in life and not stress or ‘hang on to’ negative emotions. We are helping them to balance out their thoughts and become more rounded individuals. These lessons and more can be learnt from the simple practice of acknowledging, expressing and coping with the way we feel.

If you are concerned about the welfare of a child call the Childcare and Protection Hotline on 227 0979 or write to us at childcaregy@gmail.com
A message from the Childcare and Protection Agency, Ministry of Social Protection

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