BY John ‘Bill Cotton/Reform’ Mair 

THOSE with long memories will remember when Bill resided in this organ some years ago. Now he is back from the ‘dire-spora’ to attend the UG Conference in Providence.

This is the prodigal son returning home. I was brought up on Providence in the 1950s when it was a sugar estate. It was the idyllic colonial life then. Today, Bill cannot believe his eyes. There has been plenty change.

First, there is this big hotel and casino, now owned by the Turkish. It’s impressive apart from when Bill tried to sneak a kip in a spare room. He was discovered and ejected.

Then there’s that Big stadium. Bill used to think it would be Jagdeo’s white elephant. He was wrong — it is grey and still in use and looking good, too, thanks to the sterling efforts of Tony Xavier. One thing — don’t tell anybody — it is built on the graves of Dutch settlers.

Back to the conference: This is Vice-Chancellor Ivelaw Griffith’s pre-coronation. The man is everywhere chairing every big session in a variety of bow ties. My favourite? The one with the Guyana flag which he wore for the visit of the President. Ivelaw should register the copyright and sell the Ivelaw bowtie selection throughout the Caribbean.

The conference was a melange or a mess (you decide). Was it academic? Was it a cultural rally? Was it a fund-raiser for UG and Guyana? Bill is a simple soul and he got confused. Some of the papers sounded as though the writer had swallowed a dictionary or two! Others — like mine — were slight.

One big point: the conference was far too mono-cultural. Bill was the token white man with maybe 10 maximum brown faces. This Rainbow nation has a Rainbow diaspora and any institute or policy needs to recognise that.

The President came and went very quickly on Monday morning. Good to see Colonel Abraham back in the saddle as Head of Protocol. It was his job at 08:30hrs to whisper bad news into Granger’s ear about the Lusignan Great Escape. Granger and gang left quickly for a conflab in private then he returned to deliver his speech in haste before leaving for the National Security Council. Life never stops if you are the ‘Prezzie.’

Talking of ‘Prezzies’ present and past, Bill paid his ritual visit to Parliament on Thursday afternoon. The best free show in town. Bharrat was there sulking on the front bench but for only an hour. He left the shop in the hands of Clement Rohee who made a bizarre speech opposing the Tobacco Bill. He said there were no stats to show that Guyanese died of lung cancer thanks to smoking. Go figure.

Then Clement sought Bill out for a conflab as did the Attorney General (and Minister of Legal Affairs as he reminded me) Basil Williams, while Prime Minister Moses Nagamootoo insisted on taking a selfie with me. Fame at last. But it was good to see some old friends, even if their world and the political merry go round have gone round by 180 degrees.

You’ll recall that Bill is very sociable, so it was to the Everest Cricket Club for a beer in the wind, Bourda for a beer in sad decline, Julian’s for a beer with the new boys on the block, the flat shop for a drink with a wise old man — the font of so much knowledge.

Back to the conference again: So the diaspora came to Providence, but did they find salvation?

The trouble with talk-fests is that they feauture plenty,er,talk. The Guyanese can surely do that but it is always to the point? Prolix in print, verbose in person. When will the chair of a meeting have the courage after a couple of minutes to say ‘Just what is your question?’. Shorten the meetings by half, gaffing and ‘bigging’ yourself up are fine, but not in formal sessions, please, my fellow Guyanese learn to precis.

Some of the talk at Ivelaw’s thing was sensible, but some was just bonkers. One of my favourite features was David Hinds calling for the reintroduction of overseas voting!

So the Ivelaw fest came to an end with a gala concert featuring Keith Waithe plus a galaxy of musical stars. The big dire-spora conference started with a jail break and ended with a jump up. Can you ask for anything more? Well, maybe you could hope for some results after that plethora of hopeful words. Remember Elvis: ’A little less conversation,a little more action.”

Elvis, as ever, the Great Philosopher.

Bill,as ever,lives in hope.

Pip!Pip!(once again mes amis)