PATRICIA yelled at her teenage daughter, ‘How, tell me how could this happen, I still can’t believe it…H. I. V.? Patricia was distraught not being knowledgeable about the virus, all she could see for her daughter’s future was illness and death and it pained her, the girl was still so young, not just in age but in attitude and behaviour. She started again ‘Look at big old me …34….Nothing like that ever happen to me’. The girl sat with her head bent low, her mother’s attitude wasn’t helping. Having already come to terms with the diagnosis what she needed now was support. But her mother just continued to ask irrelevant questions and express her distress and fears for the future.

Patricia’s life
She was just 14 years old when she started having sex with one of the young men in the neighbourhood, he was 10 years her senior with no prospects, a local hustler. But he made sure she had food and shoes on her feet which was more than her parents ever did. She could rely on him for a little “small piece” and he could rely on her for sex. Her parents didn’t mind where she was or what she did, as long as she ‘seemed okay,’ so when she became pregnant at 16, it was looked upon as a normal chain of events and no one complained or made a fuss.

Against all odds, the couple made a home for their child in a stuffy little room that had a leaky roof and plenty floodwater in the rainy season. In those early days, all she really wanted was to get away, out of that situation. She went out most Saturday nights to have fun and forget about her troubles. Soon she had a second child and her frustration grew, she was only 18 and felt as though she was missing out on life. Her friend who was making money in one of the islands sent her a ticket to visit, so leaving the children with their father, she left.

Over the years that followed she visited her children, bringing them clothes and shoes, and buying food, treats and anything they wanted, while she was around. But she never stayed long and the children were unable to bond with her. The only input to their development came from their father and aunties who lived nearby, but none were graced with the knowledge or had the time to raise the children adequately.

With very little schooling and no one to give them moral guidance and support, the children were left to their own devices, each doing ‘their own thing’ to get along in life and survive. As teenagers, they were prime examples of children who’d been nurtured by their environment, never having experienced the love, security or warmth of a family.
And now this: Patricia continued, ‘Look how much shoes and clothes I buy and bring for you, you got tops, new things you never even wear, when you need money I does send’…
But Patricia was missing the most important point of all: material things cannot make up for the lack of a mother’s love and attention. All the weeks, months and years her children had spent striving and developing without her care, her interest or concern had taken its toll on their lives and she had become nothing but an onlooker in their eyes, not a confidante, a role model or even a real mother.

There were occasions over the years when her children would have needed her guidance, support and encouragement, but she wasn’t there. And now all of a sudden she was disturbed by her daughter’s situation and failing to acknowledge the fact that her absence and lack of parenting was part of the overall problem.
Parents have a duty and responsibility to give their children the best upbringing possible, CHILDREN COME FIRST, remember they had no choice in the decision to be born or who their parents should be, therefore, adults must do right by them , THEIR FUTURE IS IN OUR HANDS.

You can call the Childcare and Protection Agency’s hotline on 227 0709
A message from the Childcare and Protection Agency, Ministry of Social Protection