Dear Uncle Henry,
Please listen to my problem. A nice guy married me and has been a great father to my three school-age children. They adore him but now he is asking me to make a child for him. I am worried over my health. Can I do it? Also I worry over the loss of love for the three kids. He says he thinks a baby will bond us. The child will be ‘ours’ but how will the others take it .Will they be happy. Will his love dwindle? Please advise.
Natasha

Hello Natasha,
This request to have a biological child in a mixed union is common. The step-dad or step-mom believes that a blood offspring will cement the bond of marriage. This may be so but we must think of the step-children. It can be detrimental.
Before you embark on this project, you must talk with them. Do they wish for a sister or a brother? Would they feel insecure and fear losing the love and care of their step-dad or mom? Your kids at this crucial time may say no especially as your husband loves them as his own and vice-versa. Talk with them and do not forget a new born in these times demands a lot.

Can you afford another baby-economically? You already addressed the issue of health. Try your best to reinforce the relationship so your husband can be contented with your three kids. I had a similar problem. I married my maid and fathered her six kids, the youngest twelve. She insisted that I get one with her. I refused saying her kids were mine. That word step is not in my vocab. She felt that a child would do well for the relationship.
That child is still a dream of hers. Now the children are all over forty years. And I am still their dad. She went to the heavens after 25 years of blissful union. I still love her but I can’t replace her. She still lives in my heart.

So discuss with your husband. Tell him and show him, there is nothing to fear. You’re proud of him being the ‘father’ of the children. Let the relationship blossom as it is. If he insists then honor his request. A new-born may bring joy to all. But consult with the young ones as their welfare comes first. Work things out and do your part.