Earlier this week, social media was abuzz with criticisms of women who would have attended a local concept party. Normally, I try not to comment on things drenched in entertainment but this case was particularly interesting.

In keeping with the bandwagonist mentality, particularly where there is a chance to sow discord and negativity, women were castigated for wearing either too much or too little. I expected this norm from persons who do not have an in depth understanding of gender politics, the sexual exploitation of women and the harmful implications of such because we all have experiences that hinder our development. I try not to be too angry with them because I was one of them not so long ago. I was lucky to have friends who had zero tolerance for my weird and often ill informed politics and was often flippantly told to go “read this” or that.

It took a while for me, as it would take a while for others seeking re-education about the dangerous cultural norms they follow and encourage to reach a place where you are able to identify your role in all the chaos that exists. No one expects you to change overnight. I still have a lot of things I need to work on, but small bits can lead to change of self and eventually changing of culture. When we continue to say that it is impossible, we are just continuing to stymie our progress towards that end and if you are one of those who believe they don’t need re-education- you do.

What I do have a problem with however are the social changers, the youth leaders and the human and women rights activists who know better and still engage in such.

I should say that I know how to take a joke. My sense of humour makes me cringe a lot of times because the jokes I like and make are often not in good taste, but there exists I believe, a thin line between humour and blatant disrespect. This episode showed me how even those who are actively fighting against oppression, can be the ones who continuously uphold and celebrate the same oppressive systems, institutions and culture without even realising it.
It shows the depth of how we have been conditioned to believe that if a woman acts or looks a certain way or deviates from the prescribed “acceptable” roles assigned to them, then we will ruthlessly pull them down to shame them unto a more “respectable” path.

What a lot of people fail to realise is that these conceptions we have of women are often the very ones that harm them. Being constantly sexualised, even from young ages and thrown into submissive and stagnating roles, aids in the trivialisation of the violence meted out against us.

Girls are conditioned to believe that they are weak while boys are conditioned to believe that they must be aggressive in order to be taken seriously. I often get flack for it, but I encourage my daughter hit back those who hit her when other avenues such as talking and telling an adult do not work. I am not about the normalisation of violence, but I also am not about the normalisation of submission to violence.

According to UNICEF, approximately 60, 000 adolescent girls die as a result of violence each year and 120 million girls in the world have been victims of rape or forced sexual acts. This number amounts to every one in ten girls. The sooner we realise that everything is connected within our troubled society, we will begin to understand how we perpetuate hate, encourage violence and disrespect.

After much prodding, I saw the promoter of the party offer what some would call an apology to the women who were being targeted. While it is commendable that he, amongst others can recognise that “it is never okay to disrespect women,” I sincerely hope he examines the role he has to play in the formation of that disrespect. The sooner we realise that “all are involved” and consumed, the better off we will all be.