Dear Editor
IT is my humble view that not enough emphasis is placed on verbal abuse. It is happening all around us every day in all strata of society, yet we focus on physical, sexual and other forms of abuse, which are all important, while many times, the contributing or at least one of the most important contributing factors to other forms of abuse often originate from verbal abuse.It is written in the Book of Matthew, that by his words shall a man be justified and by his words he shall be condemned.
The spoken word can be likened to either honey drops or gall. The choice is ours to make. Verbal abuse continues to plague our society and the wounds inflicted on victims umpteen times cannot be seen, unless provocation leads to serious physical contact between the abuser and the victim. Let me highlight a few scenarios in an attempt to make others even more aware of the severity of this problem.
The mini-bus parks
Adult males address schoolgirls and their colleagues alike in words that pour out of their mouths like the coals of Sodam and Gomorrah. It has now become almost a norm for many and this oftentimes leads to some form of molestation or even rape, which can eventually lead to thoughts of suicide.
Single-parent homes
Poverty walks hand in hand with misery. This miserable state can cause the parent, male or female to ‘curse’ the child (use of indecent language during normal interactions with the child). Some utterances can even contribute to who the child eventually becomes later in his or her life. Most of these children, especially in what is commonly called ‘ghetto areas,’ use this kind of language quite naturally and this is accepted by some parents. They grow up, and the cycle goes on and on.
Churches
There are some — I call them wayside — churches that through their pastors and preachers, influence persons (male and female) to do all sorts of immoral things which they find to be acceptable, because the pastor said so. This I choose to call verbal abuse of the Spirit of the True and Living God. Time no doubt will deal with this form of abuse.
Workplace
There are many employees whose lives were changed for the worse, or some who might have taken their lives or the life of a partner, due to verbal abuse from an employer. That can be a crippling reality for many, as not only does it affect one’s emotions, but it can, if left unattended, fester fierce feelings of hatred that may eventually end in murder or malicious wounding. In the case of a man, the risk is doubled, for he may be the head of his household who is being treated much less than a man by his employer. The circumstances in cases such as these are often disastrous. Images of the humiliation of fellow humans during the darkest periods of the earth’s history in the presence of members of the family linger even into the 21st century. There is no superior race; status is man-made, all men are equal … talents, attributes are given to all men and as they use them they acquire skills and abilities needed for the ongoing development of their societies and the world we all live in.
Schools
This, to my mind, is the most delicate of institutions where verbal abuse is practised by many. A teacher snubbing a child using words that humiliate the child in the presence of their peers is as dangerous as slapping them across the face. Many children carry these experiences into their adult lives and themselves become abusers.
Homes
Whether you live in a little mud hut or a mansion, how you behave at home is a true reflection of who you really are. The home is one of those places where verbal abuse is kindled and escalates. Some notable exemplars in the home environment include husbands! Wives! Children! Aunts! Cousins! et cetera! The way families relate to each other verbally when they are at home could provide the behavioural science student or writer with abundant information on verbal abuse and its long-term impact on social development in communities.
Please stop and think before you speak to another human like yourself, who shares the same sun, moon and earth that God created for us all.
Note: The bible tells us that it is not what goes into a man’s mouth that defiles him, but what comes out of the mouth. Let us work together in the fight against verbal abuse. A rounded education to which all members of a society are exposed without discrimination forms the best safeguard against verbal abuse. (I must learn about myself; I must learn about others; and I must use that knowledge to impact all my interpersonal relations with fellow humans).
Regards
Ulanda Thomas