Hello Everyone,
I hope this week has treated you well.
Today I would like to talk about emotional heartache, how it can affect our mental health and the ways in which one can get over a relationship. This week alone, seven persons told me they no longer have the will to live as their partner has broken up with them. This article is dedicated to all of you.
I’m sure we have all experienced the pain of a break up. Does it cause mental and physical strain? Yes. Is it the end of our overall happiness and lives? No.
Are there things that can be done to make the grieving process bearable and shorter? Yes.

I believe that everything is relative. I believe it doesn’t make a difference if the relationship lasted for 15 years or 15 months- love is love and the pain of losing it is the same.

If you’ve just broken up with someone- I feel for you. You’re more than likely feeling hurt, angry, embarrassed, and revengeful – just about everything. Well I’ve got good news and I’ve got bad news. The bad news is that you will feel this way for some time- maybe longer than you’ll like. The good news is that this is the normal grieving process and as the saying goes “time heals all wounds.”

Going through the pain of a break up can actually cause serious mental and physical issues. Some symptoms even mimic the signs of depression such as trouble sleeping, loss of appetite, high anxiety and loneliness, high levels of anger, low levels of concentration, and irritability.

A loss of interest in things that were once enjoyable and suicidal thoughts are also common. The symptoms are of course worsened if the individual is already suffering from a mental illness.
There are also a lot of physical issues that takes place during a break up. From what I see in most people, a break up automatically results in heavier alcohol/substance use. This right away increases chances of headaches, nausea, high blood pressure and of course addiction.
A breakup also causes a great deal of stress which very often results in weight loss or gain, high blood pressure, hair loss, skin break out etc. There is also stressed- induced cardiomyopathy, which is commonly referred to as “broken heart syndrome.” This actually isn’t a joke as research shows that serious heartache can cause areas of your heart to temporarily enlarge which restricts blood from pumping normally. Extreme cases of this can result in short-term muscle failure. The good news? It’s very rare.

Studies also show that during a break up, pain synapses are actually fired off in the brain which registers as emotional and physical pain on the body. One particular study that of course interested me showed how missing an ex is the same as when a recovering cocaine addict misses his drug. When participants of the study were shown pictures of their ex, it activated the same part of the brain that is usually activated during withdrawal from a substance. This isn’t surprising as there is the common saying “love is a drug and everyone is a junkie”.

So we know the effects of heart ache, the problem is, life still has to go on. We still have to go to work, school, take care of our children or parents –whatever our regular responsibilities. And how do we do this?
The death of a relationship causes similar stages of grief that an actual death may cause. These are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. To overcome a break-up, one typically goes through each phase. As examples, you might not want to accept that the relationship is over, you will become angry when you realise it actually might be, you may plead with your partner for it not be over, they may not accept which causes depression but after some time passes, you’ve accepted the situation and start to feel better.
Acceptance is typically the last stage but I’d advise that it’s also needed in the first stage. That is, you accept the hurt that you are feeling. It is normal to feel hurt, betrayed, hopeless and helpless after a break up. Allow yourself the appropriate amount of time to grieve.
The first thing friends do is try to push you to go out after a break-up but it’s okay to sit at home and cry, scream or whatever you feel you need to do.

Secondly, it is advised that you keep your distance from your ex. Cutting all communication is very difficult but usually the best approach.
Reinvent yourself and your surroundings. In the movies, after a breakup, we always see a transformation – this could be a haircut or new wardrobe. This isn’t to make the story line more exciting. There are actual studies that show a change, especially a physical one, signifies a new beginning and helps one to go into the acceptance phase faster.

Having said that, the next step would be to remove any trigger. We all tend to have little teddy bears or pictures around that remind us of our relationship. I’m not saying you have to throw everything away but put it up in a box in the cupboard for now- you don’t need to watch them every day.
Reflect well and accurately on your relationship. This is very important, especially in Guyana I think. People stay together or they want their relationship to work for all the wrong reasons. They might feel there is no one else left to meet or that they don’t want to see their ex with someone else. Reflecting on what you had and whether it’s what you really needed will be a big help. Remind yourself daily of the reality of the situation- especially if it was an unhealthy relationship.
It might sound childish but remember their bad traits. Don’t focus on the good. What did they do to annoy, anger, hurt or frustrate you? Maybe they were always late or rude to you for no reason. Feeling better already aren’t you? 
A common saying I hear is “the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.” Completely inappropriate I know, but I didn’t make it up! This is called a rebound relationship and in my opinion it’s a bad idea. It feels better and exciting yes but it’s just masking the pain of the previous relationship. If the rebound ends quickly and badly, one then has to technically emotionally deal with 2 break ups now instead of one. Remain single until you have gotten over the first breakup.
Finally, get out and do new things. You have all the time now to discover yourself and things you might like. You also need a good support system around you right now.
I asked a few of my colleagues about their last breakup – how long they took to overcome the pain, what they did to do so etc. Here is what one had to say.
“I was with my last boyfriend for 3 years and it took me 5 months to fully get over him- where nothing bothers me. I had cut off all contact, unfollowed him on social media and thought of all his bad traits often. What helped me was new activities that I liked such as reading, adult colouring and going out more with my friends. If I had to cry, I let it out and then went back on with my day- I chose not to lie down and mope all day. I reminded myself that I didn’t deserve the treatment I was getting and that I could do better.”

Thank you for reading and please send in any topics to caitlinvieira@gmail.com. Also please remember when you can come see me.
Georgetown Public Hospital :Monday- Friday – 8am- 12pm
Woodlands Hospital: Outpatient Department
Drug and Alcohol group meetings – Mondays 4:15
Good mental health group meetings- Wednesdays 4:15
Say Yes to Life and No to Drugs! Always!