Dear Wayne & Tamara,

I met an amazing girl. We are seniors in high school. She is very
loyal and loving, and all our values line up. The only problem is she
did something in her past that violates both our values. She had sex
with an old boyfriend.

It’s been driving me crazy because I occasionally see this guy. When
she broke up with him, I guess he told everyone everything that
happened, so she has a bad reputation at her school. I really love
this girl, but her past is haunting both of us.

How do I get past this?

Marty

Dear Marty,

Tamara says she is neither an optimist nor a pessimist. She is
a realist. The glass is not half full. The glass is not half empty. It
is simply half a glass of water. That’s all.

How do you get past this? You don’t. It doesn’t matter if you were
actually betrayed. You feel as if you were. Your feelings of betrayal
and jealousy outweigh your feelings of love.

Often when people write us they want us to give them a magic bullet or
a magic bean. There is no magic bean. A realist would say you can’t
get past an inborn biological reaction. A realist would say high
school doesn’t last forever. A realist would say next year this girl
will have the chance to escape her past.

Wayne