NAKED THIEF COLLAPSES AFTER DRINKING CHURCH WINE
(Guiana Graphic, September 24, 1959)

By George Barclay

A nude burglar fell into a coma at the Roman Catholic Presbytery on Tuesday night after drinking wine that was set for holy communion.
The middle-aged Frenchman was still in a stupor yesterday when detectives took him to Police headquarters to await a charge of breaking and entering and larceny.
His booty, which included three tablecloths, bananas, brandy, butter, tea, bacon and cheese were found at his side.
The Frenchman had climbed through an unsecured window then he wrenched off a padlock from a safe and helped himself to tea, brandy, bacon and other delicacies .
But like a real Frenchman, he considered his menu incomplete without the wine.
After his first draught, he apparently fell like a dead man. Fr. Kearney was going to conduct the usual mass when he saw the nude figure prostrate in the gallery.

*****
CRAB ISLAND FOR TOURISTS?
(Guiana Graphic – September 29, 1959)
Crab Island, a large junk of silted land in the Berbice River off New Amsterdam may soon be converted into a beautiful tourist attraction.
Some enterprising businessmen are making efforts to acquire the island for a coconut grove and to build a healthy tourist resort.
The half mile long piece of forest grew naturally out of the river from the silt.
Soon it will no longer be an island because the silt is joining it rapidly at the New Amsterdam end where the channel has already been closed.
****

Inside the Court:
Charles get-up was sure crazy
(Guiana Graphic – October 12, 1959)
It was a loud tie which Charles wore for his appointment with Magistrate Dan Debidin – loud to the point of being vulgar.
Yet no one could be really offended with Charles…apart from ‘Princess’ who had taken him to Court for insults.
Mr Debidin was intrigued by the tie: a pinkish affair with the voluptuous figure of a maiden painted on it.
But what made Charles appearance for his appointment more comical was the fact that he was also dressed in an evening blouse of cream flannel.
What an incongruous sight he presented!
Mr Debidin could not help but smile at the crazy set up.
“Is that Bardot you have on your tie?” he asked Charles, “or is it Jayne Mansfield?”
“Just a girl,” Charles answered smiling self-consciously.
“Well why did you insult the Princess?” he asked, getting back to the case.
“Sir, she buy eggs from me and wouldn’t pay,” Charles explained.
“I see you have on a dinner jacket,” Mr Debidin could not help returning to the subject of Charles attire.
But Charles just smiled.
“What did you do when she took the eggs?” Mr Debidin came back to the case.
“Nothing.”
“What are the insults?”
NO INSULTS
“No insults,” Charles said, adding “but you know as everything else…” and he left it at that.
Mr Debidin didn’t know what “everything else” meant and neither did Charles when he was asked.
“What was the insult?” Mr Debidin then turned to ‘Princess’ for enlightenment.
“Sir, I bought two eggs from him,” Princess explained.
“And I told him that I had no change then. I told him that I would give him the money later.”
“How much for the two eggs?” Mr Debidin wanted to know.
“Bit and a half apiece,” Princess disclosed.
“Twelve cents each,” Mr Debidin exclaimed, “what sort of eggs were these?”
“English breed Sir,” Charles protested.
“But the average price of eggs is ten cents each,” Mr Debidin said.
“A Chinese man does pay me twelve cents,” Charles explained.
“But she is not Chinese,” Mr Debidin told him.
“Anyway let me hear your story,” he turned to Princess again.
“Sir, early de next morning he send a boy to me for de money ,” Princess related.
“Ah say boy ah just wake up. Ah ent even say me prayers yet and you coming to me fuh money.”
“What time was that?” Mr Debidin wanted to know.
“Seven o’clock.”
“You say your prayers very late,” was the magisterial comment.
“When ah come downstairs, the man start to buse me,” Princess got to the meat of her story.
“He tell me that when me so and so did want de eggs you come right in me house and tek dem and now you don’t want to pay.”
“Ha! Ha!,” laughed Charles and the female figure on his tie did a wriggle as his stomach moved up and down.
“All this for two eggs,” declared Mr Debidin.
“Nothing of the sort,” protested Charles.
“Well you have a naked figure on your tie, could be you are inclined to say such things,” Mr Debidin told Charles after Princess had repeated the insulting and vulgar things Charles had told her.
“Sir, she chase the boy away when I send he for de money,” Charles complained.
“And that made you annoyed,” concluded Mr Debidin, “and before the woman could say her prayers, you curse her.”
“Why can’t you live like neighbours?” he demanded.
“You’re fined five dollars,” he told Charles.’
And Charles who would not give his neighbour time to pay for two eggs begged the Magistrate: “Sir please give me a little time.”
And Mr Debidin setting an example to the exact and demanding Charles said: “Okay! You have two weeks.”

(Clifford Stanley can be reached to discuss any of the foregoing articles at cliffantony@gmail.com or cell phone # 694 0913)