SHE tied the proverbial knot at the age of ‘sweet 16’. And despite the hardships that accompanied the exchange of those wedding vows, she endured in her married life and stayed on because of the vow she had solemnly made before Man and God.
Now at age 67, Phulmattie (only name) called ‘Betyah’, who lives in Leguan – an island in the mighty Essequibo River, is certain that the young girls of today would not be able to bear half of what she had gone through with her late husband.

She had, for many years, been subjected to abuse, both physical and verbal. Even when she attempted to go to her mandir, she would hear his curse and insults.

Mrs Phulmattie’s dad had died when he was just 30 years old, leaving behind a determined daughter and four other children.

Life was very hard for the family because they were so poor. It was a struggle for her mother to put food on the table. In time, though, her mother got involved in another relationship, and the children were then cared for by their grandmother.

“In 16 years (at 16 years old), I started to work. After our father died, we had to struggle for a meal. There was no hospital at the time on the island (Leguan). My father just
‘take in’ the night with vomiting, belly work and pain, and died just like that.

“I was the eldest child, so I had to work hard to look after the rest of my siblings. I learned hard work from my mother. I had to pick up brick at the waterside and burst them to fill a barrel. I got 24 cents for doing this.”

Mrs Phulmattie’s mother found her a husband, and in those days it was customary for young people to marry without even meeting each other. Mrs Phulmattie said she trusted her mother’s judgement and did not question the arranged marriage that was fixed.

She was born and raised at the ‘back part’ of the island, but moved to Blenheim when she got married; and she has continued residing at Blenheim to this date. Married life was hard for her, though. We will not get into the details of what she went through, but let’s just say it was the worst possible experience for Mrs Phulmattie.

Her lady friends in the backdam, where she worked planting and cutting rice, often asked her if it was because she thought there was a shortage of men that she was putting up with all of the abuses. She was urged many times to leave her husband and move on.

By this time Mrs Phulmattie’s grandmother had died, and her mother was living her own life, so to speak. She had also become the mother of seven children, and today she is the grandmother and great-grandmother of many.
So, with nobody really at her side, Mrs Phulmattie said, she decided to stay in the marriage because of the marriage vow she had made, and because she had her children’s welfare to think about.

“I sit down and I think wise. I sit down and think about meh life. With all the bad treatment I stay, because I married him between (before) Man and God.

“I know for sure no young girl today would take what I pass through. All thing meh study, and plenty people ask me what I was doing with that man and if there was a shortage of men that I had to stay with him. But I think about my children.

“When you marry, you take an oath. When you do abortion and cheat on your husband, these are two of the biggest sins to me. With abortion, I believe you turn like a tree, not bearing fruit in your next life,” Mrs Phulmattie expressed.

Mrs Phulmattie’s husband died at age 81. They had been married for 57 years, despite all of the abuses. Today, life is much better for her, and she is merely “relaxing” on the island while being cared for by her relatives.

“We were so poor. We really meet with hard times; really hard punishment. Now that I deh good, I get sickly. I went Georgetown Hospital, Balwant Singh, Woodlands, all the hospitals, and I reached till to America, but I am still sick. They told me I have to do (an) operation, but I (am) not doing it. When is time to go (die), I ready to go!”

The elderly woman said she still felt really sad when her husband died, and misses him greatly each day. “Only God knows what I pass through. No man knows! But I know I safe on God side. At least I didn’t sin.”

By Telesha Vidya Ramnarine