THE domestic violence scourge is in the news again with most of the cases being the brutal, violent type-death most often being the result. It is a horrible nightmare that never seems to go away. Ever so often you look at the news and these horror stories greet you. It disturbs your mind with the grave effect of ruining your entire day. Then, there is the age old “who is to be blamed” for the violence or the death of the loved one, is it the accused, the victim, the police, who? Someone is at fault? The finger-pointing and the blame game goes on forever, still, no one seems to get it right while the scourge continues unabated. We know for sure the police have had more than their fair share when the accusing finger is laid. It has been reported time and time again that the police have failed the victims in many of these domestic violence cases. They opine that had the police taken appropriate action their loved ones would not have died. It is the police who refused to come to the aid of the victim that led to this, many would assert. If the police had taken appropriate action my mother, brother, aunt, sister whoever, would not have died. We are quite familiar with these sentiments that go on and on in eddying circles. The central theme in all of these stories is “the police” what they did or failed to do. But is this the case?

My task today is to get to the bottom of this domestic scourge or to put the blame where it rightfully belongs; in other words, getting to the heart of the problem. It has been said and proven here time and time again that the woman in most of these domestic violence cases is the root cause. Some may disagree, but I, after analysing many cases have come to the conclusion that the woman is the root cause. I say this with a great degree of certainty based on the wealth of experience I have gleaned over the years and based on the facts presented to us.
Over the past months, three notable cases can be singled out for discussion. The first case occurred somewhere in Sophia between a hard-working security guard lady and her abusive work mate. He, being a jealous stalker, while she works hard to provide for the needs of the family. Things came to a violent head when details of a cell phone conversation surfaced. For this, the jealous man dealt her several brutal stab wounds which left her partially paralyzed in one leg. Soon after that brutal confrontation he went into hiding only to give her a call to say that he is sorry while wishing her a speedy recovery. Now, seeing there was no other report in the press on the matter we can safely say that she did recover from her injuries; while we can also say with a great degree of certainty that the woman in question is in cohabitation with the very man. Most right-thinking people will give a heavy sigh of disbelief that this woman can be so silly to let the violent abuser back into her life. Let us not forget that this is not an isolated occurrence when it comes to domestic violence matters. One has to realise that most women in these situations are not thinking with their “minds” but with their “hearts.” In literature we call that a love-sick heart that will forgive the man regardless. We have to take into account too the way she views him. She deems him to be the “strong, loving, jealous lover type” who will brutalise “his woman” (possessive term) to show her how deep and strong his love is. Oh yes, she does not view him as being possessive, violent or anything of that sort. She cannot stomach the fact that he sees her as a thing, chattel or lunch money. She sees him as a “good man” the emphasis is on good, one that a woman must have around her. It is pathetic and distressing to know the endearments these women call these low lives.
On to my second story and second victim: here we have a situation of another woman being beaten and abused, times too numerous to mention yet she endured the abuse. This went on for years when finally he doused her with a corrosive substance. She later died at one of our public hospitals. Now, listen to the story as related by the daughter of the deceased woman, she was mad over a remark made by a policeman who told her that “her mother want man …  that killed her.” A callous and insensitive remark which might very well be coming from an officer who was tired of getting reports from daughter and mother but folk who would never follow through on  litigation. Or, a mother who would always beg the police to release him on grounds that he “didn’t mean to hit me” or some other nonsense these women go through with. But let us agree with her for one moment then, I will ask the question why is she annoyed with a loose-tongued policeman when he is not the cause for her mother’s demise? The object of her hate and anger should be the man or I would say her mother; she is the one who allowed this to happen.
My last domestic violence case is the most recent: it tells of a violent partner who for the most part killed her grandmother (there were no eyewitnesses) so let us “assume” that he did it. All points to him after the grandmother suddenly turned up dead after a fishing exercise. Her brother on the other hand, was stabbed right before her very eyes in broad daylight. Now, we have a case here of a man who had just been released from prison for a domestic violence matter. This man would constantly stalk the common-law wife with violent obsession. He would constantly call her on her cell phone trying to woo her back. Like in the cases mentioned earlier she sees this man as so much in love with her “a love sick puppy” who follows her around. She did not see that he is a violent, obsessive man who is violent enough to kill anyone who gets between him and the woman. A man who would follow through in getting rid of those, who in his estimation, are “putting ideas into her head” against him. This she is trying hard not to see. So granny is dead, under mysterious circumstances and brother murdered right before her very eyes. And I guarantee you this is not the last of this story. It would be interesting to hear her testimony in court whether she would give the factual, down to earth eyewitness account or the convoluted amnesiac-type witness.
I will continue this discussion in another article, but will close by saying this: in all of the above instances, the woman was and continues to be the source of the scourge. There is a common thread running through every case here. Instead of severing ties or ending relationships, the woman fails to take prompt, decisive action which emboldens the abuser and in many cases leads to the inevitable death of the woman.

When Guyanese women would have come to the stark reality that an abusive spouse has to be put in his place – the sooner the better – then and only then will we see any significant changes to domestic violence in this country. The old Guyanese proverb that says “Guyanese man cyaan tek leff” is not totally true; in the same vein some women don’t know when to let go of an abusive spouse. Women are indeed the root cause for the domestic violence scourge.

NEIL ADAMS