.jpg)
Senior citizens, the elderly, the old man or woman, fogey ageist codger, older persons, and auntie, among others are all names by which older persons are called.
While some question the motives of those referring to them by those names, take offence, and feel antiquated, others see it as a mark of respect by the younger persons, and accept the names for what they are.
Suffice it to say that old age is not a welcome progression at all for some.
I spoke with a number of persons who, although they cannot look after themselves, resent when their children or other loved ones put them in a home. I am of the view that this happens even when one retires from work, but especially if that one had not been preparing for ‘the day’. Many have expressed a sense of abandonment, uselessness, abuse by the very children for whom they had cared; and the trauma of losing one’s independence is oftentimes overwhelming.
The story is told about Mary, who had no alternative but to find a home for her mother. She said: “I did something I thought I would never do. However, circumstances beyond my control prevailed. It was hard, but I had no other choice.”
Mary’s mother, now 80, is suffering from severe dementia, and was raising havoc in the home, creating a very disturbing situation for both Mary and her husband. Mary fought every other day with her mother; she was very frustrated, and had some very high levels of impatience, along with emotional upsets of her own due to her mother’s actions. She finally decided that it was time to make some changes in the situation, before she got severely angered at her mother and did the wrong things, which she would regret.
Some people would think it very appalling to even consider putting a family member into an adult foster care home or nursing home. However, there are often no other alternatives.
Mary made a really smart move with her mother. She knew she could no longer bear the heartaches that she faced on a daily basis from watching her mother slip in and out of reality. One minute her mother was calm, and the next minute she would be acting out a myriad of emotions, including pounding on the walls.
Mary had already done everything else she could possibly have done with her mother, such as making sure she had the proper medication, and going to meetings that helped people like her to deal with their ageing parents.
She did not want to ‘raise a hand’ to her mother or mistreat her. She wanted her mother to keep as much dignity as possible through this stage in her life; so she started out to look for a place for her. It was not an easy venture, and it was very time consuming. She had to search out various facilities that would best meet her mother’s needs.
Some of the facilities were just short of impressing her. She would quickly tour the facility and then walk out and cross them off of her list.
Even though she knew what she wanted for her mother, she did not care about pinching the pennies. She felt that her mother deserved to be treated the best that she could be treated, and she made sure that she would be placed in an adequate facility.
After several weeks of searching, she finally found just the right place. It wasn’t a palace, but it was a quiet place; and there were other women who shared some problems similar to her mother’s. Mary also liked the fact that the facility’s curriculum included regular outings, and that management had very good and close supervision of the residents.
Mary was invited by the manager to come and visit on every shift, to see how the other residents were cared for, and to meet the staff members. She also took a tour of the house, and she was allowed to view the food pantry as well as the refrigerator, to see the stock of food for the consumers. She met the other staff members before she settled on this particular home. Thorough investigation revealed that it was all safe, and she was satisfied that her mother would be in a safe and secure home.
The first day of the transition was not easy for her mother. She was much disoriented to the strange place, the new faces she had to deal with, and that such a decision had to be made; so she recoiled into herself, locked herself in her room, and just stared. Mary had to give every support to her mother during those sombre days of the shift. She checked on her every day, and ensured that she did not do much damage to the other residents during her bouts of sudden emotional outbreak.
Mary was now satisfied with the results of her hard search for the right place; and she knew she could go to sleep at night knowing that she had allowed her mother all the dignity that she still deserved in life!
Unfortunately, not everyone can afford to house their loved ones in facilities such as this one. Of course, the homes in Guyana are not exactly state-of-the-art, and good caregivers are probably hard to come by.
Dealing with the elderly is not just a professional job, but is a job that requires a lot of compassion and understanding by the caregivers involved. But just think about it: that older person could be you someday!
For Mankind, ‘old’, ‘aged’, ‘former’ have long been associated with the past; ‘worn out’, ‘obsolete’ and ‘invalid’. But the word of God says that ‘the older will serve the younger’ (Gen. 25:23(a)). ‘The glory of the young is their strength, gray hair the splendour of the old’ (Pro.20:29) ‘Is not wisdom found among the aged? ‘Does not long life bring understanding? (Job.12:12).
And numerous other scripture verses exhort us to grow in grace and admonishment, and offer old age as reward. To honour one’s father and mother has its compensation (in Exodus 20:12).
The age old adage that “age is just a number” dispels the myth that age is to be feared. Ideally, it should be embraced, and should help one to grow old gracefully. Ageing brings wisdom and a truth which gives one a freedom denied the young.
One of the most important transitions for seniors as they move away from the central role in their families, work and community should be to continue to serve in any alternate supporting role as they are able; and while ignoring, to some extent, the sadness this move may evoke, find peace and enjoyment that accompany ageing. They should portray their beauty in a positive attitude, retain their dignity, and be comfortable with themselves.
In an exclusive interview with Mr. Justice Donald Trotman, Chairman of the National Commission for the Elderly, last Tuesday, he outlined briefly the Commission’s plans to formulate a national action plan for the ageing, which will become part of a national policy for improving the quality of life and welfare of the elderly, with both the government and non- government agencies working together and collaborating their efforts for the common good of the elderly in Guyana.
Additionally, the Commission is looking at appropriate international conventions and other instruments from which they could model their principles and ideas, which could be translated into our local arena and eventually work towards the enactment of a statutory or constitutional commission for the rights of the elderly.
So, seniors, be of good cheer! Better things are definitely in store for you!
