The peoples of Guyana, although their ancestors spanned racial and cultural divides, shared one common tradition, and that is absolute respect for one’s elders, who were integral to the survival and sustenance of the individual family, and the community in general.
The village elder system of jurisprudence prevailed within British Guiana village enclaves over the system as prescribed by the British Constitution, and until now the Panchaayat system holds sway over rural communities in India before the more formalized court system of justice is sought.
Within homes and families it was the elders who guided the family in their daily pursuits, and who had the final say in family decisions. That respect of the younger members of a family and community for their elders has been gradually eroding until it has almost dissipated – although not absolutely, because there are yet some families who adhere stringently to old traditions.
Many news stories of elderly parents being assaulted or neglected by their children is a reflection of the changing times, where the family elders are often seen as encumbrances and inhibitors to progress and are consequently relegated to the ranks of the useless and forced to exist in a paradigm of docility, servility and subservience.
Enduring family relationships built on love, friendship, trust and respect are seemingly as extinct as the dodo.
When a loving mother is turned into a guest instead of being treated like family, when a father is mocked at for his old-fashioned values, when parents are treated like so much used-up, discardable baggage not worth keeping in one’s home, when grandchildren are taught by their parents to disrespect grandparents and their value systems and moral codes, that is an unimaginable tragedy for families, communities and nations.
Oftentimes the unsupportable pain children cause parents reaches its zenith, to the extent where parents find solace in the company of outsiders, and sanctuary on the streets, or in homeless shelters, as a visit to any of the homes for the elderly will attest to.
And when the pride and dignity of parents are shattered by the disillusion of ultimate betrayal of those whom they love best, and for whom they sacrificed everything – their children, sometimes they will themselves to die, or take their own lives.
Cognisant of the unfortunate decline in morals in the young generation, many church bodies are re-introducing healthy youth group activities in attempts to aid in the reinstitution of family values.
‘Baghban’, an Indian movie out of the renowned Bollywood film industry, explores these dynamics and reinforces the message of the need for mutual respect and care among family members. Parents, having cared for their children, often expect reciprocity in later years. When hopes are dashed, fragmentation leads to contempt.
Every family has challenges. Despite this, mutual care among parents and children is expected. Some may ask whether lack of reciprocity generates disrespect; whether parents expect too much from their children; why children forget their parents’ sacrifices and thus can be seen as ungrateful; why, very often, strangers are more useful than one’s “flesh and blood”.
The protagonist in the movie poignantly concludes: “Times have changed. Life has changed. If people of my generation will recall, our father was like God. At our mother’s feet lay our heaven.But now,…now people have become very sensible. The new generation is very clever and practical. For them, every relation is like a ladder on which they will step to rise further in life. But when they have no use for the ladder anymore, along with the rest of the broken furniture in the house – old vessels, old clothes and newspapers, they are dumped in the attic. However, life does not take you up like a ladder. Life grows like a tree. Parents are not the steps on a ladder. Parents are the soul of one’s life. However big the tree is; however green and filled it is, it cannot stand on its own once its roots are hacked. With all humility and respect, I ask today – the children for whose happiness a father spends every penny of his hard-earned money with a smile, those very children, when the father’s eye-sight weakens…why do they hesitate in giving them light? If a father can help his son to take the first step in his life…why can’t the son give his father support when he’s taking the last few steps of his life? What crime is it of the parents who have devoted all their lives to their children, that they are given tears and loneliness?
“Is it for a day like this that man seeks children? Children perhaps forget what our present today is, will be their present tomorrow. If we are old today, they will also grow old someday. The questions we ask today, they will ask tomorrow.”
Indeed, but the changing dynamics within society itself is a major contributory factor to downscaling standards within homes. In a nation where children can disregard law and order to the extent of attending school with weapons and threaten and even harm fellow students and teachers, with no or little sanctions; where there is massive cover-up of illicit activities on school premises, then that is the yardstick by which the nation, the community, and the family will be judged, in descending order.