.jpg)
LARGE BOOKS have been written on the subject; entire schools exist for the teaching of it; and it is often the subject of advice columns.
Manners, along with the practise of it, has been an obsession of the human race from time immemorial. Standards of what is mannerly vary with each country, culture and social group, so what is mannerly for one group may not be mannerly for another.The Online encyclopedia, Wikipedia, likens manners to laws that codify or set a standard for human behavior, but notes that unlike law, there is no formal system for punishing transgressions, other than social disapproval.
Writer, Susan Dunn, in her article, ‘What are good manners?’ at www.sideroad.com describes these times in which we live as an “Age of Rudeness”, whereby we assault each other increasingly with upsetting noises, sights, sounds, smells, and attitude.
The Guyana Tourism Authority (GTA), having launched its ‘War on Bad Manners’ campaign in mid-2003, reported encouraging results. The campaign did receive overwhelming support, to the point that it even inspired other campaigns, such as the Guyana Bank for Trade and Industry (GBTI) 2011 Calendar Campaign which was launched under the theme, ‘Nurturing of Good Manners’.
Yet for all this, you still see such blatant examples of barbaric behaviour that one is inclined to agree with Dunn that we need to protect ourselves from each other!
One morning not so long ago, passengers using the Vreed-en-Hoop to Georgetown speedboat service witnessed a particularly disrespectful act.
Now, anyone who has ever used the service knows the clamour there is to get on a boat. You find a place in a crude line, shuffle in, and if you manage to grab a lifejacket, a seat is yours on the boat. Usually, the ‘bowman’ would stand on the bow of the boat counting passengers as they come in. Not uncommonly, he might miss one or two places, and then he’ll stand and call out: “One more!” or “Two more!” whatever the case may be.
Well, this was the case on the morning in question. The driver was telling the bowman to untie the rope anchoring the vessel to the wharf when he spotted an extra lifejacket, so he turned and called: “One more!” By this time, another boat had started to load, but when he called out, a personable and well-dressed young woman in her mid to late twenties stepped on the boat. Just seconds later, this fellow in the same age group as herself jumped on the boat and violently butted her out of the way with his shoulder and hips. Had the bow not had a railing, she would have gone overboard. The girl, either being of a nonassertive nature or maybe just not having the time nor energy to protest, simply joined another boat.
Jaws dropped and the comments began as the boat pulled off and the bully took his seat. “Look how he butt dat girl!” “He sick!” “Driver, don’t tek this man on yuh boat!”
Upset like seemingly everyone on the boat, at least one could take consolation in the fact that there was no support for this kind of behaviour. But not everyone felt the same way. A man, probably in his late fifties or early sixties, started to ‘counsel’ the bully, telling him: “Is equality.” Attracting some disapproving stares and comments, the counsellor started to get angry and raised his voice, maintaining his stance: “Is equality!”
I guess the people on the boat were of the more nonconfrontational sort, as over the years, I have witnessed some heated exchanges and debates while crossing in the boat. There were no further comments, or at least non-audible over the sound of the boat’s engine.
Landing on the other side though, and deciding it safe to do so, a middle-aged male passenger decided to voice his opinion on the subject. “Is that’s why society on the decline. Imagine dah big man telling dah youth-man dat. Is that’s why I don’t respect some big people; is dem gat the young ones suh. A man must always give way to the fairer sex.”
The diva of etiquette, as Emily Post has come to be known, has written extensively on the subject of manners in her book titled, ‘Etiquette’. Post says that good manners are based on the premise of being selfless.
Thus one does not ‘burp’ or break wind in public because it feels good, acting as if no one was there, elbow through queues, have loud cell-phone conversations in restaurants and public transportation and shout profanity and throw tantrums because we feel we are entitled to our anger.
She advises that good manners are all about “keeping it in, allowing the other person some comfort, peace and space.”
We all need to think of this one: Did you know that being a bore is an act of rudeness? Though you don’t see this one at the top of a bad manners list, Post says that it is and act of rudeness because there is no thought given to the interests or comfort of the other person.
Then there is the little matter of tactfulness: Persons must not talk about the unattractiveness of old age in the hearing of the elderly; or about the joys of dancing and skating in the hearing of the lame; nor about the advantages of anything that is unattainable by the other person.
She acknowledges that it is far easier to be rude than it is to be polite. Of course, you’d rather boom your boom-box and enjoy your music regardless of others; have a tantrum when you’ve been angered; turn the lights on when you come to bed, though your spouse is sound asleep; ignore the customer because it’s all such a chore, you know, working; or perhaps even hit someone who annoys you. These are the easiest things to do, and the most mindlessly satisfying, because you can indulge yourself, with no thought for other person.
But she reminds us of what can happen if everyone behaves that way? Yes, indeed! Like what would happen I think if we started showing others out of our way, or running over them when we want something. Imagine what would happen on the roads. The thought is too terrible to consider. Thus, manners are like laws; there for the survival and preservation of the homo sapiens species. Please email me at michellegonsalves@rocketmail.com to tell me your thoughts on this subject.
